Burning Matilda, Wednesday Q&A

Wednesday Mind Hump for this week, I have a total lack of imagination tonight, maybe this will help...

01. You are a character from a children fairy tale or nursery rhyme. Who are you and why? Matilda, Who Told Such Dreadful Lies, and was Burned to Death, because I'm weird and I like that story (can you tell I don't have kids?)

Matilda told such Dreadful Lies, It made one Gasp and Stretch one’s Eyes; Her Aunt, who, from her Earliest Youth, Had kept a Strict Regard for Truth, Attempted to Believe Matilda: The effort very nearly killed her, And would have done so, had not She Discovered this Infirmity. For once, towards the Close of Day, Matilda, growing tired of play, And finding she was left alone, Went tiptoe to the Telephone And summoned the Immediate Aid Of London’s Noble Fire-Brigade.

Within an hour the Gallant Band
Were pouring in on every hand,
From Putney, Hackney Downs and Bow.
With Courage high and Hearts a-glow,
They galloped, roaring through the Town,
‘Matilda’s House is Burning Down!’

Inspired by British Cheers and Loud
Proceeding from the Frenzied Crowd,
They ran their ladders through a score
Of windows on the Ball Room Floor;
And took Peculiar Pains to Souse
The Pictures up and down the House,
Until Matilda’s Aunt succeeded
In showing them they were not needed;
And even then she had to pay
To get the men to go away!

It happened that a few Weeks later
Her Aunt was off to the Theatre
To see that Interesting Play
The Second Mrs Tanqueray.

She had refused to take her Niece
To hear this Entertaining Piece:
A Deprivation Just and Wise
To Punish her for Telling Lies.

That Night a Fire did break out -
You should have heard Matilda Shout!
You should have heard her Scream and Bawl,
And throw the window up and call
To People passing in the Street -
(The rapidly increasing Heat
Encouraging her to obtain
Their confidence) - but all in vain!

For every time She shouted ‘Fire!’
They only answered ‘Little Liar!’
And therefore when her Aunt returned,
Matilda, and the House, were Burned.

Hilaire Belloc.

02. You are a magic potion. What is your main ingredient(s) and what are you used for? For some unknown reason cinnamon keeps popping into my brain. I like cinnamon on toast with sugar and butter, but it is a tremendously potent spice, walking into most craft and import shops the smell of cinnamon that hits you in the face at the front door makes my eyes water. And a little mandrake root, which must be harvested at midnight by the deaf because the sound it makes when it's pulled from the ground will drive anyone within hearing insane. Glitter, because it's so pretty and can never be completely removed once it's thrown. And some rosemary, lavender and cloves to smell pretty. When thrown I would neutralize the irrational anger in the world and raise people levels of common sense. And perhaps add a few IQ points to those in need.

03. Tell us your favorite joke. It can be naughty but clean up the language, puhleeze. I don't really a favorite, I'm an awful joke teller. I do like the official funniest joke in the world of 2002, though...

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

04. Imagine you're in the Old West. What town character would you be and what would your colorful nickname be? Example: School Marm - Old Widow Maples... Dead Eye Tish, because I'd always have a pistol and I'd be such an expert shot that no one would mess with me ;-)

05. You are a mythological diety/god. What are you the god of? What offering(s) would worshippers lay at your feet? If one displeased you how would you smite them? I'd like to be Diana/Artemis (there's a bit of a feminist theme to these answers), because she's brave, beautiful and a wild creature. Hmmmm... I'd like offerings of the finest foods, lots of dark chocolate and cured meats. If someone pissed me off I would make them feel guilt for every wrong they've ever done, feel the pain of anyone/thing they've ever hurt. (Wow, I'm mean! Must be the PMS...)

Posted by Morticia at May 13, 2004 01:45 AM | TrackBack