Renovate My Goth Family?

OK, I'm very confused... I hardly ever watch network TV these days and my idea of a reality show is Cops. Which is how I saw the promo for Renovate My Family, and I saw they were doing a Goth family. So OK, I'll check that episode out...

What the hell is wrong with the world today??? Why does this show exist?

I had figured that:

-The family must have been having some sort of interpersonal conflicts that merited the intervention and "counseling" of Dr. Phil's son
-They were in some sort of dire need
-That this was something that they really wanted
-That they were seriously disfunctional and weird

Nah! None of the above.

All I can figure is that Fox thought they were weird looking enough to be ratings-worthy, which I guess they were because they got ME to waste an hour of my life watching a reality show.

I will admit that I did watch Mad Mad House, but all of the "weird" people on that show were very earnest, learned and devoted to their "weirdness". And they were all very interesting personalities that were treated with a certain degree of respect by the people producing the show, thank goodness. The family on tonight's show was just your run-of-the-mill group of gothy folks, except for the one Marilyn Munster preppie blonde girl. Though Marilyn respected and appreciated her family. Somehow this girl made it through 17 years of living with her family, in this same house and now she wants a "normal" life. The first thing I thought is - she's 17, won't she be going off to college or a job on her own soon? The rest of the family did have dyed black hair and an absence of eyebrows, her mom had a few small tattoos and one piercing that I could see, but nothing the average person hasn't seen at the mall a million times.

Their house just looked like a pre-fab 70's ranch, with one wall painted a dark green in the living room, a couple of jack o'lanterns on display, some cheesy Mexican-type crosses on the wall, and a cheap Halloween coffin in the corner. Ooh, and a couple of resin gargoyles. If Fox's point is to highlight "weirdos", is that the weirdest they could find? They had a couple of pet lizard (and a dog and cat). Not even a snake or two? This whole thing reeked of set up, IMHO, it all just looked really cheesy and thrown together. Honestly, if this is really what their house looked like, they're just guilty of being poor and having zero decorating skills. Or just not giving a crap what their house looked like. I can't believe they've lived their for 18 years, it looked like the home of a a couple of college kids living together and renting for the first time.

So the little blonde girl was ashamed of her family, poor thing. And she wasn't sleeping with her sister anymore because her 19 year old sister wanted to stay up late, so she moved out onto the couch. Her mom is dating a Goth guy, and mom and he have a band, (OMG! she stole my Addams Family background GIF!) so this TV show decides in order to make this family normal they will:

-Tear down their house and build them a brand new one... in seven days
-Give them all new hairdos and soften their makeup
-Have mom and her boyfriend get married
-And pimp their cars

So Dr. Phil's son walks up to them as they're eating breakfast at a hotel and tells them that they're... BEING RENOVATED! Whee!!! Blink, blink... Hardly a reaction from any of them. Wow, cool, OK, whatever. No questions. No shock. Not really much in the way of thanks. I've seen more reaction out of the girls on What Not To Wear, at least they ask "who" and "why", and seem either enraged or excited. But Dr. Phil's son says "it's going to take a lot of work on your part too". So what, therapy? Do they have to help paint the walls? No, they spend a few hours whacking at sheetrock in the house with sledge hammers, then they stand in the front yard and watch while a bulldozer caves their roof in. Then they are driven off (in a black limousine, ha!) bemoaning the fact that their bland, white trash house has been knocked down, then are taken to a beauty salon where their hair color is lifted a few shades and they get some lowlights, they are given a Super Cuts hairstyle and eyebrows are penciled in for the girls. And the mom - gasp - even removes the piercing on her face! And they go to a flower shop and pick roses, then a bridal show and get suits and gowns, then suddenly we are at a low-budget outdoor wedding. And on one side of the folding chairs sits the "normal" people, all wearing white, and on the opposite, are their "freaky" friends, who are Gothed up to the max and in all black, of course. Literally, it's yin yang.

First off, were mom and boyfriend actually ready to get married? And if so, will getting legally married make this a "normal", happy family? I think this is all part of the new mindless, society... do whatever a television show tells you to, don't ask questions. It's for your own good. Do not have your own personality or identity, if you're not the status quo there's something wrong with you. Conform, conform... It's all part of what my husband calls the Dumbing Down of America.

So Dr. Phil's son and a huge troupe of assorted photogenic decorators (including three cute blonde triplets, what's the deal with that??), come in and tear the house down and then throw a new one back up, complete with an indoor fountain, a gigantic aquarium (they didn't even have fish before), a huge glass cage for their lizards, a sushi bar, an anime based room for the son, a Zen room for the oldest Goth daughter (and a nursing scholarship to a community college, did she want to be a nurse?), and a Holly Hobby room for the blonde girl. And a pool! Just what every pale Goth needs...

So in one week (which seemed to only be like two days... maybe if they showed more of the transition and put this into a two hour time slot it would have made more sense), bam! they have a house with all new furniture, big plasma TV's, a remote home automation system (why??), and a recording studio for their band in the garage (complete with cameras so they can shoot their own music videos). Then, ta da... both of their cars have been pimped out and now look like lowriders (I'm surprised they didn't just give them new Hummers, why the hell not). One of the hostesses proudly points out that the two cars have wheels and rims worth over $7000!

So suddenly they have a house that's worth like five times what their previous one was worth (who pays the property taxes? the utilities? the house insurance? the car insurance???), their kids will never move out, they're married (we didn't even see a proposal or wedding ring). And they still live in the same lower-middle class neighborhood, but now they've got lots of things to steal. (Does the new boyfriend/husband automatically get joint ownership of the new house?) And no garage to park their two new showcars in. And all because their whiny daughter didn't want to sleep on the couch. It was just an hour of non-stop needless hedonistic consumerism. Here's a bunch of stuff you didn't really want or need...and here's more, and even more! Have more, we've got lots of sponsors!

At least Oprah gave cars to people that needed them, and let me tell, you, those women were fricking excited and appreciative to the point of hysteria. But then I've seen the same audience reaction from Oprah giving out frozen turkeys, people just hyperventilating like crazy. I know this is all corporate advertising and network ratings, but I don't get it?? Why??? Ooh, look, we renovated the freaks and now they're "normal" and have tons of expensive stuff! For no reason! (Did they get new clothes too, it didn't say...) And where did their dog and cat go? They had a German Shepherd at the beginning of the show, now he's got no yard, it's all pool...

I don't understand television. I like my makeover shows on TLC and HGTV, they actually make the people work, sort through and evaluate their stuff and figure out why they have so much, and then they give them like $1500 worth of furniture. I even like What Not to Wear, they take women who are wearing clothes that don't fit them properly and are all worn out and "train" them how to dress to show off their best features. ("You've got big hips, don't wear tapered pants") I don't always agree with their choices of what's best (too many pointy shoes), but I can at least see the point of what they are doing. And that's my form of mindless, relaxing television. I used to watch Animal Planet, now I watch home stuff...

I went to the fansite for Renovate My Family and was even more depressed. The forums are full of people begging and pleading to be on the show, it's just sad. The world is full of people with no food or electricity, living in one room shacks, with no education, no health insurance, and what are we watching on TV? Non-stop orgies of people getting expensive meaningless, stuff heaped on them. All I can think is that during the Great Depression the movies were full of spectacles, Busby Berkley musicals and classy rich people. Somehow it comforted and reassured the starving masses. But if we're going to transform people, wouldn't it be better to maybe give homeless people a place to live, and a chance at a future? OK, so I'm a Communist, I guess. I believe everyone should have a decent life. The new hit on Mexican TV is watching people eat worms and compete against each other for just a chance at getting a Green Card, to come to the land of opportunity. And free stuff! Whee!!!

And the preview for next week's episode of Renovate is a family whose house burned down (OK, worthy) but then Hurricane Ivan threatends to ruin it all (drama!). I just looked at the forum again to get a link and the newest posting is:

"I HOPE we see more of the Goth family The Cole-Reimers. This was one of the best shows and they seemed so interesting. I'm tired of being sad by someones hardship. Bravo FOX channel....We want to see the Goth Family again. I hope this isn't just 1 episode."

Aaagh! I was right, America doesn't want to see "someone's hardship"... I give up.

Posted by Morticia at September 21, 2004 04:59 AM | TrackBack