wednesday's child: Another Dramatic Suicide

November 09, 2005

Another Dramatic Suicide

Well crap, my husband has had several friends who have committed suicide since we've been together. And several more who have died suddenly. Most of our friends are artists and fanboys and fangirls, perhaps there's more drama in our crowd than most. I actually had the misfortune of being with Sparky when we went to check on one of his friends, years ago, whose out-of-state family was worried about his well-being because he had AIDS, and so my husband had a key to his apartment and when we went to check on him, he'd shot himself in the head.

Earlier this year, another friend of his, who had moved out of the city several years before, had intricately planned her own demise on the anniversary of her failed wedding, down to leaving notes and wills, and slitting her own throat in the bathtub. She was a brilliant yet unappreciated artist and had designated who would get each piece of her artwork in her notes.

Now today we find out that the big story from Monday's news turned out to be about another old friend of his, whom he hadn't seen in person in years, but had apparently been depressed enough to coax the Houston Police department into shooting her after a car chase, news copters on scene and all. She was a very sweet, quiet and kind girl, she came to our house to visit during the 90's then drifted away when we moved. Sparky had known her since the 1970's, meeting her through the fan and convention circuit, she was a fellow movie collector and she actually gave him quite a bit of her collection over the years, he never understood why and would make videos for her as a "trade", but apparently she wanted her things to go to a nice home.

She worked for the Department of Public Safety in the driver's license bureau, we had spoken several times of our mutual desire (and failure) to become police officers. The news reports said she had been hospitalized, not shown up to work and had stopped taking her medicine, so her employer sent the Houston Police looking for her, and they found her driving around in her truck with her sister. They tried to stop her, she out ran them, they spiked her tires and as she pulled over, her sister tossed a gun out of the window.

And Angie jumped out of her truck, retrieved the gun and raised it towards her sister and the police shot her, she was dead on the scene. And that's all we know so far. The news reports say there are rumours that she was suicidal, if that was true she was successful. She certainly went out big, the incident created a huge traffic jam in the area during rush hour, and she was the top story on the evening news. She was 48 years old.

The few times I've mulled over the idea of suicide, I've always leaned towards the non-painful methods. I have a gun, but would not like to be shot, with my luck I'd end up being paralyzed or something worse. I don't like knives, if anyone ever finds me dead of anything other than an overdose of something sedating, please consider it a homicide. I used to drive so much in my work I always figured if anything unnatural happened to me it would be a major car accident. Lord knows I've had enough of the things.

But even at my most depressed, I wasn't selfish enough to leave my parents, pets or husband behind. And my biggest fear is I'll have to come right back and start all over again. I believe in reincarnation, and the idea of starting over scares the hell out of me, especially in today's screwed up world.

This morning's paper has the story Group Question's Motorists Shooting. That's nice - I hope someone does. But from my years of law enforcement experience, if someone really wants to kill themself they usually do it. The people that threaten and whine about it constantly don't.

I hate drama. I don't ever want to be on the news, for anything, good or bad. I can't believe what's going on all over the world now, and everyone knows and sees every detail. And no one does anything about it. We all just hide in our homes, hoping it won't touch our little lives.

Posted by Morticia at November 09, 2005 02:57 AM | TrackBack

Comments

I am so sorry for the loss of your friends. I understand their pain on my own level -- as clearly do you -- which is perhaps what everyone needs, but not something others can articulate, but only feel.

Posted by: Midian on November 9, 2005 06:04 AM

I understand what it's like to just not to want to "be" anymore, but I have this weird feeling that giving up and starting over would be even worse. And I've always been too conscientious to cause that kind of pain to my family.

My dad was always one of those people who believed in doing everything the hard way, and he has been in horrific, constant pain for years now from his back and even he got to the point where he mentioned it not being worth going on, which might have been partly from the drugs they were giving him. He also is missing a lung and has emphysema and I've found with my own new trials with asthma that it's hard to think straight when you can't breathe.

He recently had en electronic pain blocker put in surgically and, though he claims it doesn't work, he's not nearly as depressed.

I know the saying is if you think you've got it bad, just look around you, but when you're seriously depressed it's kind of hard to see anything outside of your own world. Also, looking around me at the state of the "real" world only depresses me more because our government really truly seems to be trying very hard to destroy what's left of the world. We would talk about things like that when I was growing up, with pollution and environmental problems, but they honestly seem to be actually trying to just take out as much as they can before they get kicked out of office (and grab as much money as possible).

Unlike my doom & gloom husband, though, I can't make myself believe that this will continue forever. If I really believed that it would be very hard to go on each day.

Posted by: Tish on November 23, 2005 08:36 PM