My second go at the Friday Five:
1. As a child, who was your favorite superhero/heroine? Why?
Iíd have to say Batman. He was human but could fight with all the big boys with super-human powers. And he was a bat, and hung out at night, had a crush on Catwoman... I like he and his friends so much part of my website is devoted to them.
2. What was one thing you always wanted as a child but never got?
Other than a horse ;-) A drum set, I always thought Iíd have been an excellent drummer. I sucked at guitar and I never got a chance at piano. All my agility is in my wrists, though, not my fingers.
3. What's the furthest from home you've been?
Not very far. Probably San Francisco mileage-wise. Or D.C. (family vacations). I want to go to NYC and a few places in Europe before I die.
4. What's one thing you've always wanted to learn but haven't yet?
Thatís tough... Iím constantly trying to learn new things. Iíve halfway learned so many things I wish I were better at (like foreign languages, cooking and riding a motorcycle). If I could pick one thing Iíd like to be really proficient at right now it would be writing HTML and other website codes from scratch. I have to use helper programs like GoLive still.
5. What are your plans for the weekend?
Donít feel well, the inner ear infection is back, making me dizzy again so if I can get my little bit of eBay work done proficiently Iíll be doing well. Iíd like to get some more website updating done also. The parents are coming to visit Sunday afternoon which will be nice :-)
January is finally on it's way out, good riddance. To add insult to injury, I bought two double CD's at Borders Thursday night and both of them had damaged CD holders. I got the debut CD from Conjure One (a former Delerium member, with vocals by Poe, Sinead O'Connor and Marie Claire D'Ulbaldo) and the Winter Chill 3 collection, really nice. Winter Chill still had enough prongs in place to hold the CDs in, but Conjure One was crunched. They both have cardboard sleeves also, and I think part of the problem is they really shouldn't be jammed into those little anti-theft cases, it's just sort of sad. I exchanged the crushed one, took the clerk some real pondering to realize what I meant when I said they were "broken", she kept staring at it like "what's broken??". Another reason to order music from Amazon, perhaps...
Good grief, my mind's gone completely blank... Just for fun, and practice, I'm adding a photo category to the blog, nothing brilliant to begin with , just some of the cool things we have around our house. When the weather warms up for good, and perhaps some of the green starts to come back, I'll do more city hopping and get some artsier things for you to look at.
Almost forgot, my eBay meter turned over to 5000 today! Ironically, the deciding comment was left by a bidder I'd been a little worried about, because she was new and her Airmail package hadn't reached her as fast as she thought it should. I've got a green star now, only 5000 more feedback points to go till the next level... Actually I've received almost 7000 positive feedbacks, and left over 9000, but not everyone leaves feedback, and I have so many repeat bidders (and sellers :-) that only one per person counts.
* postdated entry *
Been mindlessly surfing under the influence of PMS all day, absorbing ideas and killing pop-up ads. I had selfishly (actually desperately) added some affiliate and a couple of strategically placed pop-under ads to my overloaded main website back in October, which is my big season (I always go over my traffic limits at Halloween) hoping to make a tiny bit of revenue. Gotta tell you, though, the only affiliate that has ever sent me any money was Amazon.com, and that wasn't for too much. After hundreds of thousands of hits the last few months I got nada from the three groups I signed up with, so screw them, I'm taking all their crap back off my site, no more free advertising.
I need to upgrade my weblog to the new version of Movable Type, but I have too many hormones running rampant right now and it will be my first upgrade, so I think I'll wait a bit and just work on my main site. I hit SOOO many dead links surfing around tonight, it inspired me to update my own site. I have a cable modem, a G4 power Mac and an updated browser with lots of memory so if I can't get sites to work, I pity the dialup folks. I hit lots of non-navigable sites which really pisses me off to no end also. I'm all for artsy and minimalism, but sometimes people go too far. I've been working on a major overhaul anyway, I just need to get in gear. I'm such a damned perfectionist, if I don't just jump in and do something it will never get done. My site's been an ongoing project for over five years now, I wish I could just play with it full-time :-)
Anyone have any ideas how to lessen the hum from cable modems and external hard drives? I have tinnitus and when I'm bitchy the humming from my own desk can drive me nuts. I have hearing like a dog, I also have a dog's sense of smell. Believe me, I want neither. I think my senses are unbalanced because I was born with 20/400 vision. I corrected it in my twenties with old fashioned RK surgery, worked great, but now that I'm past 40 I'm getting far-sighted and have to wear reading glasses. I also think staring at a 19" computer screen all day is screwing up my night vision. The RK made it fuzzy to start with, I used to see like a cat (lots of animal analogies tonight, I miss my pets...), but it's been declining the last few years. I've been taking betacarotene to try and counteract it, seems to be helping a bit.
Fun stuff I found tonight:
The coolest 404 screen I've seen!
A hall of shame for ugly bridesmaid dresses
Bad advertising pics from around the world
And one of the whores on Joe Millionaire is a bondage actress
Serious stuff from the Feminist Majority, take a few seconds and pop an email off to protest:
The Senate Judiciary Committee will vote on Miguel EstradaÇs nomination to
the D.C. Circuit Court of Appeals on Thursday, January 30, 2003. Estrada
has not demonstrated commitment to womenÇs rights or civil rights and has
refused to answer questions about his commitment to abortion rights or
basic civil rights. He should not be confirmed.
Urge Senators to Vote Against the Nomination of Miguel Estrada
Similar to Clarence Thomas, Estrada has refused to reveal his position on
critical legal issues. During his hearing, Estrada was asked whether he
thought Roe v. Wade, and Romer v. Evans (the case that struck down
Colorado's anti-gay rights measure), were correctly decided. He declined
to answer, stating that he had not read the briefs, listened to the
arguments or researched the issues. He gave a similar answer when asked
about Supreme Court cases in the areas of environmental protection and
labor rights.
Senator Leahy noted in his statement on the Estrada nomination that the
Judiciary Committee has an "insufficient record" on which to predict his
ability to be a fair and impartial judge. After the Estrada hearing,
Senator Leahy stated: "I was hoping that the hearing would allay concerns
that have been raised about this nomination, but I was left with more
questions than answers after all of the steps Mr. Estrada took to avoid
answering questions at that hearing." Senator Schumer told Mr. Estrada
during his hearing: "We donÇt know you, and the purpose of this hearing is
to get to know you a little better. And in all due respect, you are not
letting us do that hardly at all."
The burden should be on the nominee for a lifetime appointment to show
that he deserves to serve as a federal judge. EstradaÇs lack of an
established record and unwillingness to answer questions means that he has
failed to make this showing. Senators should vote against his nomination.
Related links:
Well, it's been almost two weeks since I bought my Lottie doll from a guy on eBay and I emailed him last night to ask what gives? He sent me my Paypal payment back with apologies, apparently he didn't have any more :-( Damn, and it was such a good deal. So I jumped back on eBay today and searched and compared and ended up sniping another for a more expensive price, but hopefully I'll actually get this one. I'm eyeing a few others too, but I'm not sure it I can afford to buy anymore... plus they're big and my shelves are overflowing.
Update 5:45 pm - OK, I got carried away and got Tragedy too. Seems like $36 bucks is about the going price for these two dolls since they're OOP. Still kicking myself I never got Sadie and Lizzie Borden when they were new...
I'm really not a doll collector, per se, but I do have some character dolls from Bewitched, the Addams Family, the Munsters, Jeannie and Buffy. Lottie appealed to me as a lonely little Goth girl, when I showed her pic to my husband he said "She looks like you".
I went to bed really early last night, I was so tired I only managed to read about a chapter of my book and I had to crash. I slept on and off till about noon when the doorbell woke me up. My hubby went to lunch for his monthly get-together with his wacky friend (they go to Pancho's every month, just to be silly and re-live their youth) so I was alone in the house. Just the post office delivering a package. They're sitting in my husband's room watching home videos and dissecting errors on old movies now. It's nice to hear my husband being silly and giggling again :-)
I had really long, complex dreams last night, they started fading pretty quickly once I got out of bed, but here's the gist. For some warped reason my brain cast Audrey Hepburn and Cary Grant in the lead roles... The majority of the dream was myself and Audrey, a sillier even skinnier Audrey, being chased all over while dressed as harem girls with veils on our faces. I think Cary was doing the chasing as some sort of government agent. We were on ships, out in the country in some backwoods restaurant. Part of the dream it was storming and raining, which it really did do this morning here so that's logical. I remember running around with this really charming and sneaky woman, thinking "Why don't they recognize us? Our veils are sheer..." And "she's so skinny, why don't they realize who she is?". I wish I could remember more, it wasn't an unpleasant dream like a lot of chase dreams are, it was more silly, like something out of an old Doris Day movie.
Speaking of eBay, I also got a replacement battery for my Sony Cybershot (wow, it's like half the price I paid for it a year ago!) in the mail today and the damned thing is dead. It's a Sony brand, open box, so I emailed the guy so he'd send me another, he guarantees "no DOA's". I had a Lenmar backup battery and it stopped taking a charge, so I thought I'd go with the real thing this time. I wish I'd spent another $10 bucks and bought one new in the package, still less than the retail price but the guy had good feedback so we'll see how he handles it...
I'm lighting a reversal candle tonight, we're going into the dark cycle of the moon and I'm hoping to deflect some of the crap that the universe has been hurling at me the last few days before it can hit the fan. I knew something weird was coming, I went to burn the other half of a protection candle I hadn't finished last week and the wick burned straight though the candle, right down one side. I've never seen a candle do that, gave me the creeps.
Well, that pisses me off... I've been typing for like half an hour, listening to music trying to cover the din of fake applause for Wubya's recital (my husband's watching it in his room, he's not a fan, I think it's more morbid fascination), and had a really nice post going and Explorer crashed... grrrr... Gone, all gone. There's no "save" button on Movable Type till you're ready to publish it, unfortunately. Curses...
Where was I? Oh yes, I'm now on my second White Russian, I went and bought a little bottle of Absolut so I could make a proper one. I use more Kahlua and cream and a little less vodka, though. I made a Bacardi version at New Year's and it's just not the same. Much better with good vodka. I even managed to float the cream on this one. I think I used half and half before, it doesn't float worth a damn. Any excuse to have Kahlua, though, it's always been one of my faves. And I'm using one of my Waterford Roly Polies that I got on sale years ago, which is nice.
I needed a higher octane drink tonight than my usual Port, it's been a helluva day. Way too much drama, I hate drama. Less than three hours after I fell asleep the phone rang, they hung up and called right back and my husband answered it. Then he came storming into the bedroom because it was a bill collector... for me... oops. It's January, I've been doing the best I can, but not good enough for those guys. Actually they were bought out by someone else so they wanted to make a "new deal" with me. Thanks. Eight in the bloody morning. Set my husband off in a rage all day, he freaks out about money even though it's my account, etc. (I'm only late on one, dammit) I took a Xanax and half an Ambien to knock me back out so I wouldn't have to listen to him slamming doors and deliberately cranking the TV up all morning. (I'm really not a junkie, I have MS and I don't sleep much on a good day) I like to calmly reason with people when they're freaking out, but it doesn't work with him for some reason, he has to wind down by himself... He had to go visit with his poor mom at lunchtime, her husband's in the hospital (not my husband's dad, he passed on before we met). He was still pissy when he got back in the afternoon, so I went and happily ran my little errands till dinner time when he had cooled down a bit.
I went to the post office, long lines, computers down, stuffy and hot because the weather has swung back to the warm side since yesterday. A young woman behind me was mumbling about the lack of clerks and the long lines and trying to make small talk over the screaming out of control kids running amuck and I didn't really understand what she said the first time (I don't hear well in crowds). I try not to engage in conversations in line at the post office, either my husband or myself go from 3-5 times a week, so we're used to waiting in line and really don't want to join in the gripe sessions with the people who come once a year. When the kids finally left with their dad, the woman started talking to me again, and this time I could hear her. She said she was almost finished with her radiation treatment for skin cancer, and she showed me a bandage on her shoulder beneath her nicely tailored business suit. Dark-skinned young black woman, younger than me. Poor thing, I'm sure the heat in the place was making her uncomfortable. I politely consoled her and made small talk till I was finally called for my turn.
I'm unfortunately an empath by nature, people and their emotions tend to gravitate towards me unless I really put the auric force fields up. Then I tend to scare the crap out of the general public. Which is fine with me, I've found that predators don't tend to normally attack people who look like they could be insane in a dangerous way. When I used to have to walk around downtown during my lunch breaks, I'd just raise the "don't mess with me" shields and they usually wouldn't approach me. I've taken a few online quizzes for grins lately, I won't bore you with the graphics but the results were kind of fun. I took the Goth test and it said I was "46% Goth, Goth by night, normal by day. Deep in my heart I know I am evil, but not on the company's time. I do need to eat." I'm not sure that's really true, I used to unnerve a lot of the people I worked with ;-) I think I would have scored higher it I'd answered as if I was still in my 20's. I did have black satin sheets, I painted the walls of my first apartment black and grey. I also own my own fangs, custom made by Maven of Dark Awakenings. He was in town at Numbers a few years ago and I went and hung out with all the baby Goths till he showed up. I have the "Canines" set, they're snap-on caps, which works well for me, I have an overbite. I broke my first set because they had a bridge and my bottom teeth hit it. The caps are much more comfortable and don't require any adhesive, he molds and shapes them right in your mouth.
Out of idle curiousity I took the What Self Mutilation Are You quiz and it came back with a nice little pic of a razor blade and "You are cutting. You can be moody as hell, and probably don't know how you're feeling half the time. Despite this, you pull yourself together with a lot of strength and aren't to be messed with." OK, I kind of like that one. I like to think that people take me seriously and are never quite sure what to expect. I'm petite, but I'm brunette and have never been labeled conventionally "cute", which is fine with me. I don't like sharp things, but I do admit to picking at things till they bleed. I'm OCD, sorry, one of many outlets. Per Jack Off Jill, "she wears black so her arms can bleed". You've got to admit, black is more practical and stain resistant...
I think I'm back where I was when the crash occurred. The vodka is seeping in nicely, I think I'll go lay in bed and read till I fall asleep. I stayed up way too late last night. I got approved for all my new webrings, thanks to all! I love finding really relevant sites to link up with. I also added a lot of fem-centric links under my "Blogs of Style" column, I was up till almost 6am last night.
Third Explorer crash in one session... that's got to be a sign, off to hide under the sheets till this hellish day has passed...
Finished work early again this evening (yea me!) and jave been doing some major blog surfing tonight. Found lots of worthy sites and relevant rings to add. I'm not a ring collector, but remember, though morticia is 5 years old, wednesday is still in her internet infancy and needs lots of care and upkeep.
I've been wanting to add more about me type stuff, though the whole thing is as about me as you can get, so I've added a new Q & A category and I've joined the Friday Five to stimulate my brain a bit. I know it might sound a bit silly but I kept seeing it on other people's blogs and I thought it would be fun. It's Monday night, Tuesday am now, so now all I have to do is remember to check it each week for new questions. I'm still working on a real about me area also, but here's a start:
1. What is one thing you don't like about your body?
I'm too short-waisted, clothing never fits me correctly :-(
2. What are two things you love about your body?
My pale white skin and my green eyes
3. What are three things you want to change about your home?
Paint the walls! It's all white but we had no time between the last people moving out and us moving in. I want a blue bedroom.
I want to replace the half-dead ugly dining room chandelier over my desk to something nicer (and brighter!)
I want to put bloody shelves in my hall closets, I have way too much stuff and it drives me nuts to pile everything on top of itself.
4. What are four books you want to read this year?
I've got shelves full of "to read" books... let me grab some of the more promising ones...
Fall On Your Knees by Ann-Marie MacDonald
Incubus by Ann Arensberg
The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
Too Loud, Too Bright, Too Fast, Too Tight by Sharon Heller
I've got three or four vampire romance series that I'm working on completing also in between the heavy stuff
5. What are five promises you have kept to yourself?
OK, first hard question...
To try and separate work and play, since I work at home
To stop working at a set time each night, I used to work all night till the sun came up and my poor husband forced me to finally go to bed
To go to bed earlier and get up earlier
To try and eat at least a little better and on some sort of schedule
To read some every night before I go to bed :-)
It's been one of those strange evenings where time has moved very slowly. I slept way too late, but I still seem to have gotten tons of things done. And it's barely 2am and I'm done with work for the evening. I wish I could figure out why time moves as it does, my assumption is it's mostly a state of mind thing, I haven't been feeling as hectic as usual this week despite PMS, plumbing problems and my hiatal hernia acting up. Had a really nasty bout of acid reflux a few days ago and still haven't really gotten over that yucky feeling in my throat. I haven't been taking my daily Calcium-Magnesium supplement to ward off my PMS the last few days for fear of upsetting my stomach, I need to try and get back on it tonight. It really does help as a preventative, also the magnesium helps me sleep, and I'm lactose intolerant so the calcium can't hurt.
Speaking of time, I joined The Ageless Project this weekend, I've been meaning to do it for awhile, I love their site, you can search people's websites by their age and the decade they were born. (I'm in the 1960's, FYI :-) It's really a fascinating thing, I've always been proud of my age, to misquote Oprah, "I own those years". Both Oprah and Dr. Phil have had shows this month about women denying their real age or afraid to age. Wearing their teenagers clothing and way too much makeup. I don't know if it's vanity or lack of, but I've always owned up to my actual age. I also hardly ever wear makeup and just wear whatever is comfortable (lots of black and grey, can't really go wrong). The only place I really look my age is in my eyes, which are far too serious and usually have dark circles from allergies and other health problems. No real wrinkles to speak of yet, though. I've stayed out of the sun since I was about 12 years old, my mother set the example for me (she still has lovely skin in her 70's), have never smoked and take really good care of my skin. As you can probably tell from my main website, I enjoy being pale ;-) I have to be especially careful the last ten years or so because my skin has gotten ultra-sensitive and I've developed chronic Rosacea, "the curse of the Irish". Sunscreen irritates my skin, so I just stay inside as much as possible. I can't tolerate excessive hear anyway because of some other health problems so it's no loss to me, it's too hot down South to hang around outdoors. A bonus for living in Houston is the humidity, though. I rarely ever have a good hair day, but it's better for my skin. I lived in the more arid Texas hill country for several years and my allergies and my skin rebelled (though I did have better hair ;-) As lousy as the summer weather can be here, I'd still rather live on the humid Gulf Coast. I think the only place more humid is New Orleans, which is my favorite city in the US. So now you know the secret of Southern women's "peaches and cream" skin, no sun and lots of humidity. I gave up on my hair years ago, it's going to be frizzy and wavy no matter what I do (though I do own a few straightening irons for special occasions ;-)
I've always heard that Capricorns age backwards. I started off as a very grim, serious little girl, and I think I have probably gotten more carefree as I've gotten older. I wouldn't want to go back and have to relive my teens or even twenties, I like being older. My last job involved working around a lot of 20-somethings and recent college graduates and I always enjoyed lording my age and experience over them. All the little crises they went through seemed so trivial, though I did act as sort of an older sister and sometimes therapist. Most of my friends growing up were older than me, though my best friend is 9 years younger than me. She grew up with three older brothers, though and is much more mature and older culturally than most people her age. She's also an Earth sign, so that's probably one of the reasons we think alike.
Oops, it's after three in the morning now, time is moving forward again. I'm getting chilly sitting still at my desk, time to dive under my stack of blankets and read for awhile.
Oh, and if you were wondering, I just turned 41 this month ;-)
Two momentous occasions today, this is my 50th weblog entry and I'm 25 points away from getting a 5000 rating and a green star on eBay :-) I actually have over 6800 positive feedback points on eBay, but ones from repeat bidders/seller don't count toward your total. I've been buying some things lately on eBay, I got my first Living Dead Doll (Lottie from Series 3, she's just too cute!), and I've been working on completing some assorted vampire & vamp romance series that I've gotten behind on. I pulled a big stack of vampire and horror novels out to make room, ones I've read or am just not inspired to read, I'm getting picky in my old age, so look for them on sale cheap in the next few days if I can get my act together.
The weather has gotten bad again so I spent almost $300 bucks at the grocery store tonight so we can eat in this week in style and not have to go out in the bloody freezing cold. I wish I had an electric blanket, I grew up using one year round and then in my 30's went through a period where I got bizarre hot flashes and night sweats so the idea of anything purposely hot turned me off for years. Seemed to be a bad reaction to a prescription medicine I was taking, the doctors never could give me a decent reason. It also began my bouts with rosacea, which majorly pisses me off because perfect white skin has always been my only real bragging right physically. I've tried some of the different drugs and creams for it, but I've found stimulus avoidance to help more than anything. That, and really good quality skin care products. My favorite sensitive skin care products are from Clarins. I use other brands occasionally, too, but I always go back to Clarins.
I'm dreading taking a shower tonight, I have to use the cold bathroom at the back of the house because the plumbing in my nice bathroom is acting up. We've been pouring Liquid Plumber down the drain, but I'm afraid it's a real certifiable plumber problem, the sink, bathtub and the toilet have all been acting weird. We've been in this house almost four years now and this will be the first "digging the ground up" plumbing problem we've had, hope it's not too bad. We don't have an outside drain entrance, which I'm not sure I understand becasue the people we bought the house from had three kids. But then, they didn't have cable TV either... We had constant battles with our cheap ass landlord at our last house because it constantly had sewer problems, had to replace the entire line once, he was not happy about that, too many old trees and invasive roots. Our last house only had one bathroom also, so when we had a problem, it really was an emergency.
We watched Primetime's special on the porn industry tonight, really interesting. It focused on a young Mormon girl who became a hardcore star in just a few years and all the hell the girls who work in the industry have to go through. The actresses really don't make that much for the work they do, Houston is like the strip bar capitol of the US, and from people I've spoken with that have worked in the industry here they make a pretty comparable salary and don't have to risk getting AIDS, etc. The poor girl they were interviewing tonight looked like she was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. She started when she was 18... I can't imagine going through that period, but as a teenager? Luckily I've never wanted to be famous or beloved by millions, though rich wouldn't be a bad thing. This girl won an adult film award and she was still only pulling in about $100 grand a year max (as the top porn actress of the year?). Of course, the filmmakers and distributors make millions of dollars a year. Not to infer that there aren't some reputable erotica companies out there, but it sounds like the majority of them are just sex farms, using up and spitting girls out. The special said the average career of a porn actress was only 18 months.
Uggh, bracing myself to go use the icy shower (there's a damned window in the shower stall!). We have old fashioned gas heaters but can't really use them because of carbon monoxide problems, etc. There's a central air vent in the bathrooms (unlike our last house, which was really cold!), but it's teeny tiny... brrrrr... Soon I'll be whining about the weather being too hot, I can't wait!
Add your support to the virtual sit-in for the 30th Anniversary of Roe v. Wade. Read the other supporters messages regarding choice and leave your own, this is too important a right to let Bush's thugs take it away while no one is looking. If you haven't noticed, he has been hacking away steadily at our rights since he got in office, I think his people have a "do as much damage as possible in four years in case we don't get re-elected" agenda. No wonder the rest of the world is afraid of us...
I went through last night and added to and reorganized my links in the right column. I added more women's issues links, more liberal political links, a bunch of anti-war links and some self-defense links aimed at women, most of them pro-gun. I know that sounds like a weird contradiction... how can she be pro-peace, anti-war and pro-gun?? To me, self-defense has always been a very basic human right, like being able to choose what god(dess) to worship, and whether or not I want to have a child. I grew up around guns, and respect them as what they are, good for target practice and essential for self-defense in our modern world. I live in one of the largest cities in America, I worked in law enforcement for many years and I've seen both the damage and the good that guns can do. I also am trained to use one and know that if someone broke into our house and threatened me or my husband, I wouldn't think twice about defending us. If you are considering getting a gun for self-defense, that's the number one question you need to ask yourself, could I use it if needed? If not, invest in a good alarm system and some baseball bats. If you answered yes, take some classes, go to the range and get familiar with the weapon so it's not a mysterious taboo thing, just another tool that you need to respect, like your car. You wouldn't buy a car without knowing how to drive? It's a deadly weapon also, a woman here in Houston used her Mercedes to kill her husband just recently. Cars don't kill people, people kill people...
I worked apartment security during the early 80's and on many of my jobs we were not allowed to carry guns, but I did have a nice big patrol car. I always used to think "if someone steps out into the parking lot and aims a gun at me my only option is to flatten him". As the late great satirist Bill Hicks said, in response to the poor truck driver beat during the LA riots, "step on the fucking gas!". Not to lend support to the woman who ran over her husband, then backed over him, then ran over him again, then... She's a psycho, she was also being filmed by the PI's she hired to follow him, and her 16 year old step-daughter was in the car with her, talk about traumatized. All said though, if your choice is between being shot in the face by a bad guy (or worse, being kidnapped, raped and tortured) or going to court for possible manslaughter charges for running down a guy with a gun, there's not really much of a choice there, IMHO.
One of the more nicely done gun info sites aimed at women is Self-Defense - A Basic Human Right, it also has some really stunning visual propaganda images promoting gun ownership. If you've never been around real crime, or been a victim, I know the thought that you might actually need something as extreme as a gun to defend yourself is probably a fairly abstract idea, but you really are responsible for your own safety, waiting around for someone else to save you is not a very good option in real life. Take precautions, always be alert, at home and away, but having something solid to fall back upon if something does happen is not a bad idea. Not trying to scare anyone, I'd just rather err on the side of being overly prepared than suffer the consequences of not being so. I'm 5'1", l have a concealed-carry permit, and I've owned my own handgun since I was 21. I have a Smith & Wesson model 66 .357 for home protection, and target practice. If you're not going to carry it, get the 4 inch barrel, it's more accurate and easier to shoot. I have a 2 inch, in case I want to carry it, and I have a S&W airweight hammerless .38 as a carry gun, it's a lot lighter, but it's harder to shoot. I'm hoping I never have to shoot it anywhere but on a range. I prefer revolvers, they're the easiest to work with, they don't misfire very often. They also don't spit shell casings out in your face, and it's much harder to injure yourself because they have fewer dangerous moving parts (I cut my hand open on an automatic slide once, long story).
Alas, I'm coming down with some sort of sinus infection. The weather has gone from freezing to the high 70's in just a few days, I wonder why I'm sick all the time? I have that achy feeling in my ears and the back of my throat, I think I'll head to bed early tonight.
It's the full moon in a few hours, this one is the Wolf Moon. also known as the Cold Moon or Old Moon. I was looking up moon phases to record in my non-pagan planner (I wish Llewellyn would make one that fits my Dayrunner binder, their Witch's Datebook is the right size but it's not hole-punched), and found a really cool site where you can look up the moon phase for pretty much any day and year, and I looked up my birthday. Not only was I born on a Wednesday, at four-something in the morning, but I was also born during the dark phase of the moon. Destined to be Goth or what? And a Capricorn to boot. My brother was born during the same phase, but my husband (the prosperous, lucky one) was born in the period just before the full moon, waxing, of course. Found a page with info on what it means for the moon phase you were born under, didn't really learn anything new about myself, but it says I'll enjoy the latter part of my life more than the early part, which is encouraging.
We're dripping pipes tonight for the hard freeze. I guess people up north don't have to do that, wrap and drip pipes for the cold. Your houses seem to be built with the water pipes safely in the ground where they belong. Ours down south run through our attics, where they tend to freeze and burst pipes because it's not supposed to get cold down here. So we have to run water in all of our indoor and outdoor faucets to keep it from freezing. One burst at my parents house when I was a teenager in an add-on wing of the house. It's no fun to watch water pouring from your ceiling, even less to try and find a plumber during severe weather...
We went to IHOP tonight, my husband took up the "All You Can Eat" pancake challenge. He only made it to nine. There was a table full of teenage boys in the next section who were seriously competing to get their polaroids on the bulletin board. One of them made it to 17, good grief. They walked past us as they were leaving, and my husband asked them "who won" and got a rousing chorus of "I ate 15, etc.!" and brags about who had to go throw up to continue. They were very proud of the guy who ate 17. They shook my husband's hand and gave him words of encouragement and advice. "When you get to 11 you'll hit the wall!" I had my normal blueberry pancakes and some of the nastiest hot tea I've ever had, I never drink hot tea out (with the exception of some first class Chinese restaurants), but I hadn't eaten earlier and I was freezing. I had to jump on our teenage waitress because it took her like ten minutes to bring it, my husband had already finished an entire cup of coffee (have you ladies always noticed they serve the men first?).
What other exciting things did we do tonight... we went to Hobby Lobby because my husband needed some Bestine, and I looked through their wall of little Johnny Lightning cars. I'm a classic car freak, if I can't have the real thing right now, I at least want a little mini version. Picked up a black 1967 Olds Cutlass 442, my dad had a blue Olds Cutlass convertible when I was a kid, I think it was a 1971, I remember it had a Rocket engine. My mom made him get rid of it much to my brother's dismay ;-)
Then we ran by Border's to pick up a book I'd seen the other night and couldn't wait to order through the mail, Too Loud Too Bright Too Fast Too Tight by Sharon Heller. "What to do if you are sensory defensive in an overstimulating world". Came out in November last year, so I figured I won't be seeing it on the used book shelves for awhile. Seemed like a good follow-up to The Highly Sensitive Person - How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You, which I found a few years ago. Excellent book, I'll let you know how this new one is. Oh, and I finally got Avril Lavigne's album, I hope she wins best new artist but it will probably go to Norah Jones, that's on my "to buy list" also.
Holy crap, just looked at the thermometer, it's 34! I'd better go check all the faucets again, just in case.
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Had to save this for posterity, before it's deleted or archived. My husband and I met at a Dark Shadows fan party, BTW, but I've never gone to any of the real conventions, he's gone since they started but didn't attend the fateful 2001 World Trade Center convention.
From the NY Post 1/15/2003
By MURRAY WEISS, WILLIAM J. GORTA and ALY SUJO
January 15, 2003 A middle-aged Oregon lonely-heart obsessed with the bodice-ripping vampire TV show "Dark Shadows" shot his would-be fiancÈe to death in a Times Square hotel yesterday after he realized she had scammed him out of $95,000, police said.
Police said Richard Jenkins, 48, of Portland, shot Elizabeth Forman, 45, of Norwood, Pa., just after midnight Monday at the DoubleTree Guest Suites at 46th Street and Seventh Avenue. He then went calmly to the lobby, placed his .38-caliber revolver on the registration desk and waited for the cops.
"It's me," he told arriving officers. "I shot my girlfriend."
Cops said Jenkins and Forman, who was described as a gypsy of European descent, met at a "Dark Shadows" fan convention at the World Trade Center's Marriott Hotel in August 2001 and hit it off on the basis of their shared fondness for the blood-drenched gothic cult show from the late 1960s.
Jenkins fell "head over heels" in love with Forman, gave her an engagement ring and began doling out big sums of cash she said she was using "to keep herself afloat," cops said.
But the warehouse worker got suspicious when she kept pushing for more money.
He finally hired a private detective who discovered Forman was stashing the money away and kept two separate bank accounts - one of $50,000 and one $30,000 - while continuing to live in a small basement apartment.
Cops said the heartbroken Jenkins, who lives with his parents, told authorities he was still a virgin and had been "saving himself for her."
"He was head over heels," a source said. "When he realized she was scamming him, he went out and bought the gun."
Jenkins bought the gun legally in Oregon, cops said, before making an appointment to meet Forman in New York. He took an America West Airlines flight to New York on Sunday, telling airline personnel of the gun in his checked luggage.
Police said Jenkins and Forman played tourist for 24 hours, shopped for a winter coat in New Jersey and then returned to their hotel suite Monday night. There, Jenkins told her he suspected her of stealing and began asking tough questions.
"Her answers weren't quick enough," said a source.
Forman was shot five times and was discovered lying next to the bed.
Jenkins was charged with murder. At his arraignment today, he was ordered held without bail.
Cops said the couple scheduled a wedding date several times, but Forman repeatedly postponed it. A prosecutor said in court that Forman called off the nuptials again in the argument before her death.
A spokesman for the "Dark Shadows" franchise said the show's campy gothic motif bore no relation to the killing.
"The vampirical aspect is secondary to the show," said Jim Pierson, a spokesman for the show, which continues to air on the Sci-Fi Channel. "It's about a tragic, romantic vampire who pines for his lost love - but there's no connection.
"A loose-wire fan could be into anything," he said. "These people could have been at an ëAlly McBeal' convention and ended up in the same boat."
In Norwood, where Forman's neighbor Jack Crossley described the dead woman as being "not wrapped too tight," records showed she had occasionally used the alias Elizabeth Hardy and had a history of domestic squabbles with a previous boyfriend.
The cult soap opera about lovelorn vampire Barnabas Collins has been on the air for 32 years. It was first aired in 1966, and 1,225 episodes were shot before it was taken off in 1971. Stars included Jonathan Frid, David Selby and a young guest star, Harvey Keitel.
The popular show was made into two feature films, remade as a TV series by NBC in 1991 and continued in syndication on PBS and other networks.
It can be seen daily on the Sci-Fi Channel. Katherine Lee Scott, who played the vampire's love interest, told The Post she had been to most of the show's fan conventions.
"Most fans are loyal and enormously devoted," she said. "They're usually quite intelligent and very reasonable - but there's always the odd one."
Additional reporting by Philip Messing and Ed Robinson
RELATED LINKS:
The New York Times AP story
WNBC's Story
Dark Shadows Online
Dark Shadows Festival page
Morticia's Morgue Dark Shadows page
For the Dark Shadows newsgroup click here
Addendum 1/17, two more links:
AZ Central Main Story
AZ Central DS Related Story
It's so bloody cold here! I haven't been warm in weeks, and we have a new cold front coming through this morning. I don't handle cold well, I was born in Houston, it causes me actual physical pain. It doesn't get nearly as cold here as it does in most places, but this city isn't equipped for the least bit of cold. On the other hand, I read somewhere they we are the most air-conditioned city in the US, we have horrendously hot, humid summers. But we don't hang out outside and most homes have central air :-) Our house has a relatively new heat/AC system, new storm windows and it's still too cold. How do you folks up north stand it? The coldest place I've ever been was to Kansas in February. It wasn't snowing but it hurt to breath, and everywhere we went the people had their heaters turned up to like 80 degrees. We had to open the door to our hotel room to cool it off when we got there. We've been running our heater at like 71 degrees, which is usually way too hot, but I think the non-stop cold has creeped into the walls...
I had to drag out a second blanket to add to the bed, I've been piling assorted throws on top of me to no avail the last few weeks. I wasn't going to bother with it, because usually cold spells here only last a few days, but this winter has been been steadily cold, clammy and wet. Then I heard the weather "warning" about the front coming in. Call us sissies, but I'd challenge you to spend a few weeks in August here ;-)
Ironically, we went shopping tonight and I bought a CD called Winter Chill 06.02�. Actually it was the artwork that jumped out at me, and when I saw it was a chillout double CD I had to have it. The description is "30 Tracks From the Darker Side of Chill", how could I resist? Just finished listening to both sides, it's pretty good. I like the second CD best, it's slower and moodier. I love acid jazz, chill and trance compilations, they're great background music for working in the middle of the night.
I think the cold is affecting my typing, I'm very clumsy tonight. We have the shallowest bathtubs in our house, I can't take a proper bath in either of them, my "to do someday" list includes replacing at least one of the tubs with a nice deep one, it's one of my tricks to get warm during crappy weather like this. Kept me alive during the record winter of 1989 in Austin. But I'll have to settle for a hot shower tonight. Christ, I don't even like getting undressed when it's cold, and we have a 50's tiled bathroom, brrrr..
I was flipping the channels and happened upon Dr. Phil today, I don't usually watch him because most of his shows seemed to be aimed at resolving relationship problems, which can get kind of boring after awhile (and because he looks way too much like my ex-husband), but today he was doing a show on Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I missed the first 15 minutes and could have kicked myself because I really enjoy psychology, I've often thought I should have been a psychologist, it's one of those things that comes fairly naturally to me, it helped a lot in my private security career. And also because I have always had OCD. I think most people have it to a degree, they just don't recognize it. I've often thought that mental health problems like OCD and depression are actually a sign of intelligence and creativity in many people. I think the psychological meter has depression and similar mental health disorders on one end, and complete sociopaths on the other end. The societal "norm" is to be somewhere in between. Frankly I'd rather be on the depressive end myself. One of the problems today is there are too many sociopaths who could frankly care less whether their neighbors lived or died, as long as it didn't affect them personally. Not that they're particularly cruel individuals, they're just oblivious to anything outside their own little self-centered lives.
To be able to succumb to depression or actually be obsessed about something indicates an awareness that the world is not such a cheery, perfect place. It has a lot of problems and there are a lot of unhappy, unhealthy people out there. Because of the high-end sociopaths (greedy CEO's, Republicans and other emotionless criminals, which are nothing new, they've just become more prolific and public in recent years) the quality of life has steadily declined for many people. The people who care are few and far between it seems, and the ones who do try and change the world around them often seem to barely impact the situation. Homelessness, joblessness, avoidable health problems, poor education, etc. are put on the back burner while grand idealogical plans receive an illogical amount of attention and funding in this bizarre alternate universe we exist in. That's my coping mechanism for getting through the current Republican regime, is that we are in a strange alternate universe and eventually the collective consciousness of America will see the truth of what's going on and eventually regain it's sense. We can only hope...
But this wasn't meant to be a political essay, I wanted to discuss OCD. The women featured on the show had fairly serious cases of it, one was a clean freak who was driving her family insane, and the other was both a germ freak and a compulsive hoarder (of toilet paper, used plastic bags, you name it). You'd think that if someone was obsessed with germs they wouldn't allow huge mounds of junk to accumulate in their house but this poor woman did. I realized years ago that I had to be really careful not to let this disorder overrun my life. I was raised by a mother who refused to sit on public toilets because of the germs, but I've also always had huge piles of assorted clutter that follow me around. My husband says I can make more trash than any woman he's ever known. I used to save everything, "just in case". I became overly organized out of necessity, keeping file boxes of receipts for way too long, too much mail, too many magazines, books, clothes. Then one day I learned the joy of throwing things away. It's also easy to get too carried away by doing that. I broke my shredder destroying years of unneeded documents. But getting rid of excess, unused stuff is very enlightening. I'm also very much a germ freak, BTW, mostly out of necessity to maintain my fragile health. I'm very aware of where my hands have been, and try and keep them away from my face when I'm out in public because I'm bad about touching my eyes and nose, and I'm a compulsive hand washer (I go through a lot of liquid soap and hand cream). I carry little handi-wipes around with me, put paper on public toilet seats, never touch doors and water faucets without a paper towel. Over the years I have found that just realizing what is causing my irrational behavior, mentally telling myself it's just my OCD talking, or depression, or PMS, etc. helps me to cope. Also SSRI's like Prozac and Paxil don't hurt.
But, of course, it all tends to creep back. I can clean my desk, file all the important stuff, throw the junk away, and within a week I'll have new piles of stuff everywhere. I try to go through the piles and either file or toss them at least once a week. I've tried to teach myself over the years to organize efficiently, to ruthlessly discard things that have no use, and to try and develop regular habits to try and automatically maintain things in some semblance of order. I put things in the same place when I've finished using them, purse, keys, pens, pencils, glasses, jewelry, clothing, remote controls, etc. I get really frustrated and feel very helpless when I can't find something. So I consciously make sure everything on my desk is in it's logical place before I turn the computer off for the day. I have a folder full of programs I back up each day also, before I shut the computer off, my email files, bookmarks, my eBay records, things I've lost to crashes before and can't do without...
I've spent a lot of money over the years on organization "stuff", and have taught myself to actually use it. It also helps to cut down on my dusting and cleaning. I have plastic drawers to keep my shoes clean, clear plastic shoulder protectors to keep my nice blouses and coats from getting dusty, big zip up clear garment bags for coats and things I don't wear much, large sealed plastic boxes in my closet and under my bed for off season clothes, dividers for my clothing, kitchen, bathroom, office. I favor clear plastic and acrylic storage items just so I can actually see what I own, I have so much stuff I tend to forget what I have. I have 11 bookcases just in my home office (aka our living/dining room) alone. All books are grouped by type and the ones I use most are close to my desk. I have two file cabinets and 4 or 5 portable file boxes for overflow. I even organize my assorted piles of stuff. I've taught myself not to leave things like receipts lying around to catch dust on my bedroom nightstand, they all go in either a big envelope to be filed or in one specific file on my desk for current things like bills. When I'm out and in a hurry, I try and stick any receipts I accumulate through the day in the same pocket in my purse or wallet so I can pull them all out when I'm done and file them or record them in my checkbook. I bought a nice desk planner and use it and the calendar on my email progam (Entourage) to remind me when things are due. I couldn't exist without post-it notes, I stick them in my Dayrunner, on my computer where I have to notice them, in my wallet where I can see them... I have a little mini Dayrunner in my purse, very small, with a phone directory, places for notes and blank pages to put random notes on. If you're on a budget, your local office supply store has generic binders (and loose leaf paper) in the same sizes as many of the expensive planners, so you can just buy the inserts like calendars and phone directories and assemble the rest yourself. I've also found some fabulous deals at Dayrunner's clearance site, I get the loose leaf planners so I can add my own refills. I keep a phone book directory with my computer passwords, etc. in them alphabetically so I can actually find them when I want to buy something online, etc. If you don't want to put things like that in a binder, a Rolodex file works really well for random information, if you're on the computer all day a simple searchable data file is also great (check out iData Pro). Just doing little things like tossing junk mail as I open it helps. Experts say you should never deal with incoming items more than once, either resolve/answer it, toss it, file it, or pass it onto the person who sould be dealing with it (at work or home). That's a good theory with emails also if you get tons of it, delete it, answer it or file it, don't let it back up on you.
I know all of this organizing and sorting sounds complicated, but it actually helps me to simplify my life. I know I'll always have too much stuff, both my husband and I are born collectors, I have thousands of books, he has thousands of videos and DVD's, we both have tons of music also. He collects movie paper, I collect postcards, we both collected toys for awhile but we've gotten really selective now because our house is way past full. Our attic and closets are packed with toys in unopened packages, but at least they're all nicely packed in big boxes. I deliberately stayed away from eBay when it first began because I knew when I started looking at things I'd never be able to stop. Luckily my husband is not proficient with the computer, but he has learned how to search for things on eBay, and we both have spent way too much money. It's much too easy. I sell mostly now, but I'm trying really hard to restrain my buying habits both out of lack of places to put things and lack of money to spend, it adds up frighteningly fast.
Right now our house is actually fairly clean, semi-dusted and picked up after the holiday chaos. Because of my allergies I try and do an entire room at once to just get the dust and sneezing over with. I'm trying to keep everything from piling back up again. Deep inside me I long to have one of those sparse minimalist mid-century modern homes like the ones I ogle in magazines, but I know it will never happen. My parents claim they have too much stuff, but their home has always been very sleek and uncluttered.
Suggested activity, to save you some money go to the library (or even a bookstore where you can sit and drink capuccino while you read) and pick up a stack of books on home organization, closets, etc., and flip through them to get ideas before you go and spend a fortune at the Container Store or Office Depot. Try and get an idea of what would would actually be useful to you, also make sure to measure and write down specs. Get catalogues for organization stores or flip through their websites before you buy, get an idea of what's out there and who has the best prices (more links below for ideas). Places like Walmart and Target also offer low-cost storage, as well as office gadgets. A good book that is actually worth buying is Organizing From the Inside Out� by Julie Morgenstern. An excellent book with lots of specific diagrams and photos is Closets - Designing and Organizing the Personalized Closet by Patricia Coen and Bryan Milford.
More OCD links:
Obsessive Compulsive Foundation
Obsessive Compulsive Information Center
OCD Newsgroup
National Institute of Mental Health's OCD Page
Take an OCD screening test
More organization links:
Clutterbug.net
Get Organized Now
Organized Home.com
Get Organized Online
Organize Everything
So You Wanna Organize Your Closet?
Daytimer.com
Addition 1/16 - I found myself wandering around Lowe's tonight (we just got one in our neighborhood) and they have an AMAZING selection of affordable home organization and closet stuff.
I don't make New Year's resolutions, but I do have ongoing mental "to do" lists that I would like to be able to eventually accomplish. My life, interests and energy flow in cycles, which I rarely seem to be able to predict or control. But I owe it to myself and those around me to try and work with my own internal cycles to create a more productive, healthier and less stressful me. It's odd how the older you get, the more you are really attuned to your body and mind. Now that I'm firmly entrenched in my early 40's, my soul seems to be calmer, what would have caused panic attacks and ulcers ten years ago are merely dull aches in the back of my head now. I'm not sure the problems have actually changed, merely my perspective of their actual importance in life, which is the real trick to handling stress.
I noticed about four years ago, when I was still at my last job, that I was beginning to have a different attitude towards people and things. I've always been overly conscientious, to the point of self-injury, and I slowly began letting go of some of my perfectionism and responsibilty for the well-being of the entire planet. I think it seemed to some people, including my husband who has called me a "cold Capricorn", that I became more distant and callous, and also much more cavalier, but I could tell that if I didn't put some distance between myself and harmful people and emotions that I would probably have a nervous breakdown. Reading Richard Carlson's Don't Sweat the Small Stuff helped immensely. Don't laugh, if you actually take the lessons in it to heart, it will help put your life and your problems in perspective. I wish I could get my husband to accept some of the points he makes, the most important being 'Will this matter a day from now? A month? A year?". Also, as frustrating as it is, there are just some things in life that we have no control over. Period. Worrying and obsessing over them just makes us ill.
For most of my life I worked in a high pressure job where every day was a new emergency and the more I really thought about it, the more I realized that all of the drama around me was unwarranted and did not help, it only made people more nervous and stressed out. So I began asking "why?", and speaking my mind more often. At the time I thought I was losing it, and had reached the "I really just don't give a shit" point, which perhaps I had, but being able to say what I normally kept locked up inside actually made me feel better. I've never been a rude person, I've always been the polite doormat that went out of her way to do everything for everyone but me. I have always felt guilty if I didn't give 110%, but I've learned to curb those feelings of guilt over the last few years.
Learning to say no to people is very enlightening. Everyone I worked with was climbing the corporate ladder, busy networking and ass kissing, but my job was as an "hourly" employee surrounded by executives and I realized that all I needed to do was my job, not everyone else's. I was always the model employee who remained after everyone else I worked with had been downsized, thus I ended up doing several people's job without the benefit of extra pay. I remember one of the big managers in my division was going to have a pool party and we had all been invited. Several of the young execs I worked with moaned about going, and one of them asked me if I was going to go. I told him no. He asked if I had other plans and I said "No, I just don't want to go". He was shocked. Saying no had never even occurred to him even though he actually did have other plans already that weekend. I used to worry that I needed to stay later at work to "get everything done", but I finally realized I could never get everything done, life is an undending "to do" list. I've also learned that I don't have to put up with inept and uncaring people when dealing with the public. Never be afraid to ask to speak with someone's manager if they're not doing all they can do (or not trying at all). My husband says I've become a "retail nightmare", but what I've actually done is learn over the years how things actually work in retail and other parts of the real world, and I've learned not to waste my time dealing with people who don't give a crap. Life's too damn short to spend it being pissed off and frustrated. I also try not to put myself into situations where I know I'm going to be put through unnecessary hell whenever I can help it.
So my promises to myself for 2003 are normal mundane things, but they're important to my well-being.
1. I need to be more conscious of what, when and why I eat. I also would like to improve my cooking skills so I'll appreciate the act of preparing and eating food. I know it's not that hard to make good simple food on a regular basis.
2. I need to start doing something, anything as a regular exercise. I've been using my poor health as an excuse for too many years. I have a stack of Living Yoga videos I've collected over the last few years and never even watched. I know I'll never be a jogger or aerobics queen but if I could do yoga a couple of times a week it might get me off on the right foot. The only exercise I've ever enjoyed and been good at was strength training and though I don't have the time, money or energy to go to a gym regularly, but I have a stack of dusty free weights in the garage that I should be able to put to some use.
3. Even though I work at home now, I rarely find time to do things that are really relaxing. I'm going to spend more time reading for pleasure (not just HTML and Photoshop manuals), make an attempt to meditate occasionally, and try and set actual limits on when I work. I have a tendency to work from the time I get up till when I go to bed, answering emails all bloody day, but I've found that's not only stressful, it's inefficient. I need to focus my energy on really paying attention to my work so I can get it done and over with so I don't feel resentful every time I turn my computer on. I've forgotten all of the fun things I can do with the thing ;-)
4. Speaking of, I'd like to spend some time writing. That's one reason I began this weblog, to give me an outlet to put all of the excess words that won't remain in my head, so I can get them out and actually sleep more at night. I have a hyperactive brain, always have had, and physically writing things on paper is torture for me, I have illegible handwriting and I can't write fast enough to keep up with my mind. But I've become a fairly proficient typist. So now I have no excuse not to attempt one of my huge lifelong goals, to actually write a novel. Even if I can't ever get the thing published, just completing it will give me a great sense of accomplishment.
5. I'm going to try and maintain healthier sleeping hours. I had gotten into quite a depressive mood this winter where I was staying up until dawn, working the whole time, and sleeping the day away. So I could never get much done. I've always been a night person, but I think I had developed an honest to goodness case of Seasonal Affective Disorder. Good clue, my light powered watch stopped working three times and had to be recharged with a lightbulb. I know a dumb thing for a Goth girl to buy, but it's so pretty and I've never had a really classy watch before. I rationalized my strange schedule by telling myself that I really was getting things done when my husband was asleep, my office is in an open room so I don't have the privacy I really need, but the last three weeks or so I've made a conscious effort to go to bed earlier and actually get out of bed earlier and I've found I almost have time to spare.
6. I'm going to try and get some sort of hold over my personal finances. Out of all the facets of my life, this has always been my biggest downfall. I call it "my only vice", and it is indeed a serious hazard to my health and mental well-being. Things have been very hard financially since I left my job, but my health was rapidly declining because of the atmosphere and physical demands of my job, so I decided I'd rather work for myself. But my poor little brain still wants to spend money like I did when I worked 40 hours a week. Actually, I think writing my novel pales with this problem, if I could overcome my financial instability, I'd be much better off mentally and physically. I think I'm going to have to bite the bullet and go through Consumer Credit Counseling (again).
7. What else... I want to try and live more consciously and "in the moment" instead of always thinking three steps ahead. I bought Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now� and have kept it in view on my desk to make me sit down and read it, we'll see if it really helps, I'll let you know. I need to continue to quell my need for perfection in everything I do, I've found if I don't I never get anything finished, or often even started. I need to keep my perspective on what's really important in life, and I need to just take better care of myself.
Speaking of which, it's past my bedtime...
Had a dreary day, the grey skies and chilly drizzle matched my mood. Our cat died a few years ago and though both my husband and I wanted to adopt another, we decided to devote all of our attention to our dog. And she passed away last weekend...
So I've been in a "got to do stuff to keep busy" mood all week. I'm obsessive-compulsive to an annoying degree, and when I get on a roll I can be a real terror. I've dusted, cleaned the bathroom, cleaned my closets, sewed buttons on things, filed, organized, you name it. And I've looked at cats and kittens on the internet.
It started out as an "I wonder if..." curiousity and has turned into an obsession. It turns out you actually can search for all sorts of pets on the internet, there are thousands of photos and descriptions to look at, and that's just on homeless & rescue pets. Nothing against breeders, etc., we'll probably have to end up getting another dog from one, but at least for cats, there are plenty that need a loving home. So I've been looking at hundreds of photos, which isn't easy because they're ALL cute. My husband and I agree we want another black cat, he wants a male, so I'll concede that point. He had a bad experience with a female tortoiseshell (someone gave it to him as a present, never give live animals unsolicited, please?), so he's against tortoiseshells, calicos and female cats. I've known many sweet female cats that fit that description, but he says no.
Then, with my usual bad luck, I've fallen in love with a black cat that has medium to long hair. So he freaked out about that, too much shedding, etc. But we had still decided to go and visit him and some other kitties today and then when I woke up this morning he decided he didn't want to go. Why? Because he wants to declaw the cat and he's spent too much money this week (on my garage door opened, which he uses, and his car stereo). So I just went back to sleep after our brief argument. And dreamed about looking at cats, no rest even in sleep.
Got up, mindlessly sat and watched the Osbournes on TV, for some reason their dysfunctional family is really growing on me. Read for awhile, them got really sleepy again. I had to search the house for caffeine, I've done such an efficient job at eliminating it from my diet. Cops wasn't on tonight (damn, I just realized we missed the clips special that was on a few days ago), football on Fox instead so we watched the last episode of Charmed we had taped. After dinner I finally got the incentive up to turn on my computer, I've been having email problems with my internet service the last few days, so there hasn't been much to read.
A collector friend of my husband's sent him an email about a 16mm film that's up for auction on eBay, he hasn't been buying many films lately, he's trying to cut back on a hobby which tends to rot and turn color as it ages. But he decided he really wants to get this one... It's starting price is $300 and he says he'd be willing to pay much more. He'll show it once at a party and probably never watch it again. Granted, it's a very good film (which he has on DVD), but I can't help wandering why he'd pay twice as much for a film as he would on a pet... Hence the title of this entry.
1/13 Update - my husband backed out on buying the film, and cursed himself because it only went for like $330. Easy come, easy go...
Been doing a lot of mindless busy work this week. I was dusting at 3 am last night, and I got a weird notion to clean the bathroom tonight. Unfortunately I was wearing a navy tee I really liked and ended up getting a drop of mildew cleaner on it so it has a nice bright red spot on the front now, sigh...
I took a shopping bag full of dry cleaning in that had been sitting in my closet for longer than I want to admit to, got one of the shirts back with a button missing and found another button missing on a blouse I think I've worn once, so I sewed them back on at like 4 in the morning. Normally I'd stick them in my closet and let them sit there for about a year, but I got a burst of enthusiasm.
My husband and I have been buying gadgets this week, he bought me a garage door opener for my side of the garage for my birthday, the nice people at Lowe's installed it. I'm still trying to figure out how to program all the parts for it, it's so quiet I can't even hear it from inside the house. My husband replaced the pretty much dead factory stereo in his 1988 Pontiac sedan today (he's only been talking about doing it for years), so now we don't have to listen to static anymore on the occasions when he drives.
We used an Xmas gift certificate for dinner tonight and completely pigged out on Mexican food. Our favorite Mexican restaurant has killer fajitas, I get them topped with monterey jack cheese, bacon and mushrooms (I substitute mushrooms for poblano peppers, yuck). Total carnivore feast ;-) We got there early and by the time we left the whole place was packed. A group came in as we were leaving and wanted a table for 13 at 7:15 on a Friday night, as if.
We stopped at Border's on the way home, I found a new witchcraft magazine I'd never seen before called New Witch, looks interesting.
Ick, the house smells like bleach now, I really shouldn't clean stuff before bed. Gotta go wake my hubby up, he's fallen asleep in front of the TV. The Haunted Palace with Vincent Price is on, perhaps I'll watch a bit of it. He's my favorite classic horror actor, I could listen to him read the phone book. Oops, it's the angry mob scene, gotta go. Damn, a commercial. Must be bloody AMC, why yes it is...
Now that it's been almost a week, I can sit down and write again. Last Saturday, our elderly Lab mix stopped eating and drinking and we could tell she'd taken a turn for the worse. She was 16 in November and we have had a lot of false alarms with her over the past few years, neither of us has ever had a pet live this long, but we realized that this was the real thing after an entire day went by without her letting us feed her anything at all. The photo above was taken in early December, we always said she could be a poster dog for Iams, her favorite food & favorite treats.
She's been an indoor dog for many years now, terribly spoiled and has always had better health care than me or my husband. I adopted her as a puppy and never knew anything about her other than she was "mostly" Lab, she was shorter and more muscular than your standard AKC Lab, which probably helped her health. She never fell prey to the hip or eye problems common in Labs, though the last few years of her life she had a great deal of trouble with her back legs because of a circulation problem in her lower spine. I originally adopted her as a companion for my Lab/Shepard mix male, but he ended up only living about 7 years and after he passed away, she got to move into the house and live with our male tuxedo kitty (who also passed away a few years ago, we're currently pet-less). I named her Tala because it was the American Indian name for "wolf", which was the name of my male dog. Both dogs were jet black except for a few white stars, but as Tala aged she developed a lot of white and was a beautiful old girl.
I don't know if it was the Lab temperment or just her personality, but she was a very loving, calm and well-behaved dog to the end. Our main concern was that she not be in pain, she had a lot of trouble walking in her last years but the doctor believed it to just be weakness and not pain. He said she was a very "stoic" dog, and was always patient and polite to the vets, even when she had to have surgery for a ruptured spleen four years ago. At that time the vet told us we'd probably have her for another year, but she proved him wrong. We knew her time was approaching, though, because she had begun to lose weight despite still having a pretty good appetite. She lost about 15 pounds this winter, so when she refused to eat we knew she was telling us it was her time. Our male dog had been very sick and in obvious pain, and our cat had broken his leg (which turned out to be cancerous), so choosing to put them to sleep had not been quite as hard a decision, though it's always a difficult thing. But we worried the entire day Saturday if we were making the right decision, because Tala has had bad days before and managed to bounce back afterwards. Well, as bouncy as a 100+ year dog could be.
So we agonized and called our vet to see which doctor was on call for the weekend, and were planning on taking her Sunday morning, but we couldn't let her suffer, she just looked too miserable. So at about one in the morning Saturday night, we called the animal hospital back and had them call the doctor on duty in. Poor guy, he was the one who had to put our cat asleep also. But when he saw her, he agreed with our choice. Between us we guessed whe must have had some sort of heart problem, probably congestive heart failure, Friday night because she had coughed some and could not lie down comfortably. We'd been giving her heart medicine for a murmur for years, so that makes sense.
Neither of us had been present when our other pets were put to sleep due to their conditions, but we stayed with Tala till the end. Our house is very quiet now, neither of us has been sleeping well because of the 24/7 hospice care we'd been giving her the last year or so because of her mobility problems, luckily we both work at home. It's been strange this week going out to eat, to the book store and not having to rush home to make sure the dog is OK, she would often try and get up and walk the house, only to fall and be stuck there till we returned.
We'll be getting another dog, most probably another Lab, and another cat. We'll get the kitty first so he can feel confidant as the king of the house (as our last cat was) before we introduce a big bouncing puppy. My entire life my family always kept their dogs outside year round, so I did also (except during extremely cold spells), and so my dogs were never properly housebroken, though Tala learned very quickly. Now I can't imagine making a dog sit outside and stare at us through the glass door. Our next dog will be very spoiled, needless to say.
Made it through the day with no real incidents, dinner was wonderful, and I was promised a new garage door opener, to be purchased next week. Our Chinese restaurant is undergoing even more expansions and adding a new facade, they've added a party area that will hold another 400 people. I had my favorite dinner, beef with green onions and ginger (#202, it's also awesome with oysters). The drive to the restaurant and back takes us through our old neighborhood, so we stopped at Baskin-Robbins on the way back and got ice cream just to be total gluttons. I'm weird about cold foods (I was born with sensitive teeth), so I always get mine in a bowl to go so I can spend an hour working on it when I get home. My husband finished his on the way home in the car. I got two of my winter favorites, eggnog and nutty coconut, and my usual scoop of mint chocolate chip.
I got up early this afternoon and ran my errands to the post office, the bank, then spent part of my Xmas gift certificate at Bed Bath & Beyond and got a new "quiet" hairdryer I'd been wanting. I played with it when I got home, it really is nice and quiet, though I'm wondering how fast it will dry my hair. It's one of those Ion dryers, which claims to have "the power of ionic energy reduces frizz, dulling and static to create a stunning hairstyle", I'll let you know ;-) I got a stack of nice wooden hangers also, I'm slowly trying to replace all the plastic ones I amassed while working in retail. I'm a closet freak anyway, any excuse to get closet and organization stuff and I'm there.
Then I drove to Whole Foods and found to my pleasure that my favorite bottled green tea was on sale and they actually had a bunch of it in stock, so I bought tons of it and also their Yerba Mate tea. The nice people at Clif Bar sent me one of their new Mojo bars in the mail yesterday so I bought some of them too. I usually prefer PowerBars, but the new Clif Bar flavors are actually salty instead of sweet. Most of my favorite salty snacks are a no-no on the Atkins Diet, so I thought these would be a decent trade off and maybe keep me from consuming half a box of Wheat Thins.
What other exciting things did I do today... oh yes, I stopped at yet another grocery store on the way home to pick up a bunch of prescriptions and some "real" food for dinner this week. I'm so pissed at myself, I had meant to call a bunch of refills in at the end of December so I wouldn't be slammed with a new co-pay from my overpriced insurance, and I forgot until the 31'st and the damn pharmacy closed early that day and I missed out. So I spent $100+ for four meds today and only about $25 of it went to my co-pay :-( My husband and I have only had individual insurance for about a year now, and it's really confusing, they didn't even pay for our physicals, "no preventative care" coverage, huh?? Of course we didn't find this out till the day we showed up and the nice lady at Kelsey-Seybold informed us of it
What else, oh yes, I got a wild hair and ended up dumping all of my old nasty cooking ingredients and washing all my nice glass cannisters. I've got nothing left but white sugar. I was looking for a more convenient place to put all my bottled drinks than in the garage and realized I had a whole cabinet going to waste full of four year old flour and baking soda. One more thing to restock next time I go to the grocery store. I bake about once a year so it's about time I restocked. Now I need to work on replacing my ancient bottles of spices, they cost a lot more to replace, though.
Off to bed to read...
It's my birthday, I'm trying as hard as I can to take it easy and relax, I'd like to do some reading before bed... but the dog is wired as hell tonight and just spazzing out for some reason. Which means I have to keep going in the den to check on her every 15 minutes to see why she thinks she needs to get up and walk around in the middle of the night
Unfortunately, falling this close to Christmas, and with 4/5 of my immediate family also having birthday's within less than 2 weeks of Christmas, the actual day of my birthday has never really been a huge event. Growing up I usually had to go back to school about that time, and in my adult life have rarely had the day off. The last year I worked I begged my boss to have the day off, and she wouldn't give it to me. Joke on her, I went on medical leave a few weeks after that and never came back :-) So I'm determined to have a decent day despite my injured finger� (the damn thing still hurts like hell!) and raging PMS and whatever other crises may rear their ugly heads. Needless to say, I'm hoping for a garage door opener ;-) My 40th birthday was ruined last year by a bizarre argument instigated by a "friend" of my husband's, horrible affair where his friend turned out to be wrong and I was right but the damage was done. We're going to make an attempt to go out and eat dinner at our favorite Chinese restaurant� this evening, we can't be gone from the house for too long because the poor dog always seems to get into trouble when we're gone. I have several really cool gift certificates I got for Christmas and still haven't had a chance to use them yet...
I've taken a semi-break from eBay� this week. Trying to restore both my sanity and prevent any further damage to my finger. I was cutting the seal off some steak sauce the other night and managed to cut it, but since it's still pretty much numb it wasn't really a big problem. I've actually had the luxury of being able to sit on the couch and relax after dinner this week, for some reason we've ended up watching two different lesbian love stories, But I'm a Cheerleader the other night and Kissing Jessica Stein tonight. Both good movies, I think I liked Jessica Stein better. Cheerleader was sort of Jon Waters meets Tim Burton, very bizarre and visually stunning (my husband liked it better). Kissing Jessica Stein was a Woody Allen-esque New York comedy, with everyone talking 100 mph. Not that I'm a Woody Allen fan, but I think I could relate more to the characters.
More later today, I've got more to say, but the dog seems to have quieted down and I'd to go lay in bed and read a bit while I have the chance.
I try really hard to keep my life fairly simple, especially when it comes to clothing. I spent the majority of 2002 wearing basically the same pair of pants. Well, actually I had about 8 pairs of the same style. I am 5'1" with like a 28" inseam and have spent all of my life hemming pants to fit me. I'm also short-waisted so most misses pants hit me in the ribcage. Imagine my joy last year when I actually found comfortable and flattering all purpose black cotton knit pants that didn't drag on the ground. I found them at Old Navy, bought a few pairs in black and grey, took them home and wore them a few days, then went back and bought every pair they had left in my size. Needless to say after non-stop wearing (I do own some other pants that fit but none are near this comfy), they were beginning to show their age.
I had to make a visit to the nearest mall for packing supplies for Ebay (more of a shopping village really, no covered area to wander around), and next door to OfficeMax is an Old Navy. So knowing how retail seasons work, I decided to check and see if they had received any new Spring 2003 items, and eureka! They had just put several racks of my favorite pants out and they were actually on sale (well, by a dollar off at least). At the stores the hang tag says women's yoga capris, though I just checked on their website and they're listed as women's cropped yoga pants. They carry several other longer, wider legged "yoga" pants but these are nice and staight-legged. I used to wear a lot of wider legged pants, but make me look even shorter than I actually am and I'm tired of catching my shoe in the damn things and tripping.
(Click more to see my other favorite year round basics for picky & hard to fit people)
The pants are identical this year except for a minor improvement, the embroidered logo is in the same color as the pants, last year it was contrasting. So I snatched up five pairs in black and two in grey, and I even picked up two pairs in black one size smaller than I wore last year. They're a tiny bit tight in the thighs, but I thought they'd make nice leggings for around the house. I'll probably go back for a few more pairs of black in the larger size before they're all gone. Old Navy's seasonal clothing, especially anything in basic black, tends to have a very short shelf life.
I know all this sounds obsessive, but anyone who's hard to fit should consider my weird ideas. Since I wear mostly black and grey (OK, I have a few tees that are actual colors and not neutrals), even when I was working 9-5 no one actually noticed that I was basically wearing the same style pants almost every day. I also have favorite socks, there's no direct link to my favorite style which is Gold Toe's Morpul Slouch (get the ones that have a higher cotton content, the nylon/poly ones are itchy), which work as perfect knee highs for me, I have big calves from years of riding horses and later bodybuilding. This style keeps my legs warm without being too hot :-) Gold Toe also makes my favorite summer sock.
As boring as it sounds, I also have a favorite style of underwear, and I won't tell you how many pairs of them I bought when I found them ;-) They're also terrific for short waisted women and for anyone with sensitive skin because they have no seams and no elastic band. Believe me, being able to just reach into my closet and know that any pair of pants, socks or undies I grab will fit correctly and match whatever else I'm wearing is a huge luxury.
So I've gone through and bagged up most of my faded pants from last year to donate to charity. I used to hate to throw anything away, but now I actually enjoy tossing things. I have too much stuff I never wear or use, over the years I've either sold my extras on Ebay or given them to charity. I still have a lot of nice work clothing that I've kept "just in case", but most of my silk blouses went the way of Ebay.
I need to get a few more basic items before I run out of money so I can toss some more old faded & pilled tees, etc. I found several really excellent quality tees at a local "outdoorsy" store a few years ago (Wilderness something?) by Woolrich and Royal Robbins. (Hey, the long-sleeved Woolrich tee is on sale! Still no black, but I have the charcoal grey and it's gorgeous) I also got a nice oversized tee from Land's End and a wonderful nightgown, which is another weird picky subject for me. I don't want a bunch of scratchy lace, seams or buttons poking me while I'm trying to sleep. So that's my next shopping adventure, more nice tees and summer nighties.
Here's hoping 2003 is better than 2002. Of course, I said that last year too, and technically it was a better year I suppose. No one flew planes into any more buildings, but friends of ours lost their jobs, died, had surgery...
We stayed in this evening, watched a video (But I'm a Cheerleader, cute movie and my husband enjoyed all the lesbian stuff ;-), and we spent the rest of the evening watching the Insomniac marathon on Comedy Central. I still haven't seen the one where he came to Houston, but they did rerun the New Orleans episode, which we missed the first half of.
I made a White Russian with rum because I realized I had no vodka, I like rum better anyway. And I'll mix about anything with Kahlua, one of my favorite sickeningly sweet drinks is to mix Kahlua and Coke.
My husband and I stepped out on the porch at midnight and listened to the sound of gunfire (is that a Texas tradition or what??), saw a few real fireworks. I noticed later it seems really foggy outside, don't know if it's the weather or just gunpowder.
I got a little money for my birthday so I did a little online shopping this evening. Did a bit yesterday also, but more on that tomorrow. I'm really picky about most of the things I buy, especially things I use on a daily basis, so I bought my annual 2 Michael diCesare hairbrushes from QVC, I was going to buy some Joey New York eyeshadow too, but they charge way too much for shipping. QVC seems to have an exclusive on the hairbrushes, I found one at Neiman's or Sak's years ago and have been hooked ever since. I have long, fine, wavy hair and the oval cushion brush works like a charm. Warning, though, the bristles are a bit stiff for people with shorter hair, my husband can't use the thing, he claims it hurts. I have a sensitive scalp and it's fine for me, which is fine because I don't like sharing brushes.
I also bought some more of my favorite beef jerky, this guy is awesome, check him out. Since I'm "trying" to stick to low carbs and high protein eating, this is one of my favorite snacks. I've been eating way too much junk food lately, blame it on holiday stress.
Off to bed hopefully befor the dog wakes up and wants to get up and wander aimlessly again. We spent about 10 minutes out in the freezing cold earlier while she ambled to the farthest edges of the yard and then finally sat down and wouldn't get up so I had to put my shoes on and go get her. I wish I could pick her up and just carry her like my hubby does, but she's almost as big as me...