You know it's been too long since you've written when you have to look up your login information to your own blog (sigh).

I think I know where I went astray, there was a non-stop chain of events that began back in April & May... Mostly over health scares for my uber-healthy husband, followed by lots of visits to the doctors, new medicines to be started by both of us, a colonoscopy for my husband (all clear!), and much drama all around. And I was typing a daily offline diary trying to follow any side effects and problems with the new meds, so that was a distraction. I had some very bad reactions to several of the new prescriptions I was given (Lunesta & Lipitor), so that actually came in very useful.

Also around April my best friend began taking bellydancing classes (in another state, unfortunately) to lose some of her new mommy weight and the idea appealed to me also and I got hooked. No live classes but lots of research, music downloading, and intructional DVD purchasing. And some of the other accessories, but that's a whole new thread to be started. But I have lost some weight and have gotten much better abs, plus it's helped my asthma and my digestive problems. So that has been occupying a lot of my time.

Ebay has been as busy as usual, in the late summer it suddenly got much harder to actually make a profit, and get everyone to pay me. The whole world is broke also apparently.

But a fellow Halloween fan (and fellow bodybuilding fan) has written me some very nice emails, and I've been venting at him about how awful the world is and how sometimes it's actually a good thing to have a healthy obsession to keep from losing your mind. I think I've been keeping too much in my head, thinking I don't have the time to blog, too much work to do, too far behind on other projects, but I need to type something other than Ebay descriptions apparently, because lots came spilling out. And I've noticed the last few weeks that my stomach has been acting up more than usual, so I'm a little concerned that I've been keeping too much pushed down in my brain and it's trying to come out through my esophagus (yuck). My dad had ulcers from his stress, I'm a lot like him that way.

The world is so broken now, I don't know where to begin, so I actually started another webpage just for the bellydancing hobby. It's not finished yet, but it has provided a pleasant distraction and a place to put some of the tons of info I've dug up about everything from the music to the costumes. And an outlet for my OCD, but at least I'm learning something new, and improving my health. I've been driving my husband nuts with the music, but it's very therapeutic to me in the same way that jazz music calms me down and improves my coordination.

And with Halloween coming, I've committed myself to re-learning to sew (the big obstacle is my constantly changing vision). I've gone as far as buying a dress form (they were half off at Joann's!) and have built it up to match me as close as possible (good instructionals here and here on how to do this), so now I have a lifesized blue version of myself standing in the front room (much to the shock of my husband, he who bans kitty towers from the house because 'they're tacky'), but I feel like I can actually make a blouse that fits, and perhaps I'll stop buying black tee shirts. And I've bought a half dozen patterns and some new fabric so we'll see what happens. At the very least I should have a better Halloween costume than usual :-)

Wow, I hate being so jaded that I have to question everything I see, but that's how they want us to be, isn't it?

The other night I was sitting on the couch in the den while Sparky fiddled in his room at the front of the house and we were both watching David Letteman on two TVs. I don't usually actually sit and watch Dave except for his monologue, I usually listen to him from my office (I don't have a TV in there, we only have three televisions in our house). But there was a guy setting up dominos which is always cool to see, and Al Franken was going to be on so I got lucky and was actually watching the TV at the right time.

Dave was at his desk, doing his pre-guest part of the show, when suddenly someone started shouting off camera and Dave started looking around. I thought, OK, it's another weird comedy bit, they've been doing some weird ones lately - a guy runs on stage and a cop chases him and shoots him, and (I think this was on Letteman, I only watch him and Conan), someone dangles off of the balcony for no reason. And then there was the Monkey Calling bit... But then again, I actually saw David eat a charcoal briqette, so you never know.

But the domino guy's dominos had suddenly started toppling over before he was finished setting them up. So Paul and the orchestra started up the official 'domino toppling' music (click on Sabre Dance) that's been used for years on everyone from Johnny Carson to Conan O'Brien (he uses it for the Masturbating Bear skit). But the guy shouts at Paul 'No, stop the music!' and is grabbing frantically for the dominoes in vain, but the whole display is going over all at once. So the guy throws himself into the middle of the set-up and starts flailing around, which actually looks really painful but he seems more embarrassed than injured. And nicely in time with the whole fiasco, the band plays along with the chaos.

While I'm watching this I'm shouting across the house to my husband "Is that real?". If it is, it's a fabulous bit of comedy, worthy of anniversary show re-run (and now DVD) status. But I'm honestly not sure. Dave kept up with the premise that it was real and the poor guy tried to reset some of the dominoes while throughout the show. But it bothers me that I have to question something as funny as that. But while looking up info to post about this, I found another forum where they were disputing the same thing.

We used to accept everything (in context, at least) we saw on TV as being real, but since the growth of reality TV I tend to dismiss everything as being faked which is really very sad. But people will really do anything to be on TV, or for a laugh, even if they injure themselves to do it. And with the invention of Photoshop, you can't trust much of anything anymore. Fake photos, fake news, fake politicans (OK, that's nothing new).

But I dunno, I want to believe it was real. Not that it matters in any scale, it just bugs me that our whole world is weird now that we can't trust our perception about anything, everything is either a scam, a joke or propaganda.

One more note on Oprah's programming for this week for this week, today she basically hauled James Frey's skinny little ass out in front of the world and asked him why he lied about his 'memoir' and embarrassed the crap out of her, his publisher and deluded millions of readers into believing something that was only partly based on fact.

My husband really enjoyed the show, because he had doubted the veracity of his story after watching his first appearance on Oprah, mostly because he wouldn't make eye contact with people, especially with the real recovering addict that he met with. My husband's number one pet peeve is with people lying to him, about anything, he takes it personally everytime. However, he himself is a fabulous bold-faced liar, go figure.

I haven't read the book, apparently Mr. Frey is a very talented writer, he just didn't live the exciting badboy life he claimed. Watching him on the first Oprah show, he honestly did not look like he had ever had any horrific health or addiction problems, his face was smooth and unmarred, there weren't even any dark circles under his eyes. And he seemed very reluctant to discuss his torrid life and amazing accomplishments with Oprah when he should have been proud to have survived such horrors on his own intestinal fortitude without anyone's help.

But, I believe Oprah has done the only thing she could to redeem herself, hopefully she or the publisher will sue the crap out of him and donate the money to charity. Her entire reputation is based on her personal integrity, on trust and honesty. I don't blame her for believing that a book coming from a publisher the size of Doubleday labeled as a memoir really was what it was presented as, I believe both the author and the publisher share the responsibility for this whole incident, not Oprah.

So Oprah for President, at least we know she won't lie to us.

Speaking of the most depressing day of the year, what did Oprah choose to show that day - what you need to know about Bird Flu. Ok, I had my pencil and notepad nearby to take notes, and the only thing I wrote down was 'have five weeks of food and medicine stockpiled'.

Soooo... the expert she interviewed basically said in a nutshell:

a. This epidemic (or a similar one) is eventually going to spread all over the world
b. There will be no effective vaccine available in time to help anyone
c. The vaccines we have today are useless

and

d. There's nothing we can do about it and thousands, possibly millions of people are going to die.

Well crap, I guess that's actually an appropriate show for the Most Depressing Day. Poor Oprah, she honestly thought the guy was going to tell us something useful or slightly hopeful, even she looked depressed by the end of the show.

The show the day before was What You Need to Know About Terrorism, which was surprisingly more upbeat and hopeful. The three experts on that show actually saw a light at the end of the tunnel (and more eventual attacks), but living in America was actually estimated to be safer than living elsewhere in the world due to the fact that most Americans are still really defensive and pissed off about 9/11 and will beat the crap out of anyone that tries to light his shoe on fire in an airplane.

And personally, I haven't flown in years, I don't hang out in large crowds or particularly popular places, so my own chances of being blown up by a suicide bomber are pretty low. My husband and I are hermits, we like our home, it's a hassle to leave it, and we'd rather stay in most nights.

But the whole health scare, global pandemic thing does sort of freak me out because my immune system is shot already, and my doctors can't solve the seemingly simple problems (like reflux and allergy) that are making my life a living hell already, can you imagine what would happen in a real health crisis? Like New Orleans, only much bigger?

The only useful thing the Bird Flu guy did say is that we need to harrass the govenment and ask them to do something. I guess the 2006 elections will be a good start. I'd like to ask them to leave and let someone else try and fix their mess, anyone, my cat could do a better job...

In other news, this story actually made me snort tea through my nose.

yes, I'm sorry, I know it's mean, and she may not have actually been the one that placed it there, but I really hate cell phones and this has got to be a first...

Update: she apparently wasn't really that stupid. I hope this doesn't start a trend, they're making those thing awfully small now.

I had to postdate a few hours so it would actually fall on the right date... the holiday birthdays have begun. My dad turned 77 today, and for the next couple of weeks it's birthday central around here. My best friend's husband is Thursday, my brother's birthday is New Year's (just after midnight, he almost made first baby), mine is next Tuesday, my mother-in-law's is next Wednesday, and my grandmother's would have been on Thursday. Then a month and a few days go by and it's my hubbies birthday.

I hate that my dad's, mom's & best friend's birthdays now coincide with horrific disaters (my mom's and friend's are a few days after September 11th. And now my dad's birthday is "Tsunami Day", yikes. Not to seem insensitive, but my husband watches CNN & MSNBC most of the time and after awhile we just had to turn the TV off this afternoon.

Really looking forward to 2006... and really hoping it's at least a little better than 2005, please don't let it be worse. Pretty please???

As I'm sneezing and sniffling, trying to get healthy enough to celebrate with family this weekend, a friend sent me these words of wisdom. I hope I'm up to the festivities, I'm one of those strange people who actually loves eggnog & fruitcake. I'll eat rumballs till I'm sick, and I always try and get at least a small slice of each type of pie (with an embarrassing amount of whipped cream).

Holiday Eating Tips

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table
knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave
immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt
scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You
can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that
has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into
an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me.
Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy.
Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed
potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or
whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car
with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your
eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people's
food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's.
You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the
time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while
carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted
Holiday cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them
and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of
attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind,
you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if
you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have
three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory
celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or
get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; start
over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave
with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved
body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, whiskey in the
other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming
"WOO HOO what a ride!"

Have a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Yule, Solstice or whatever you choose to celebrate (or not), but at least enjoy the buffet!

...although I kind of wished I'd have seen the episode where this good Christian woman (?) was being tormented by the family that talked about (gasp) astrology, Buddhism, tarot cards and even had (shudder) gargoyles in their house.

Crooks and Liars has a truly scary video clip from the Fox show Trading Spouses - Meet Your New Mommy on their website of some sort of toothless, morbidly obese, psycho fundamentalist drama queen returning home after enduring the tortures of spending time with (in her opinion) a "non-Christian" family (who probably had all their teeth). She has a foaming at the mouth, screaming hissy fit and rips up her check for her participation in the show (for the camera), while her children cower in fear. Man, that's entertainment.

But, after the heathen camera people have left, she decides to keep the money and spend a big chunk of it on gastric bypass surgery. Hope she saved a little for dental work, and psychotherapy for her children.

Update - I just followed the link and read the synopses of the two episodes involving this nut case. The episode guides are hilarious, read #201 and 202. Apparently some of the Fox Broadcasting employees have a sense of humor.

Well crap, my husband has had several friends who have committed suicide since we've been together. And several more who have died suddenly. Most of our friends are artists and fanboys and fangirls, perhaps there's more drama in our crowd than most. I actually had the misfortune of being with Sparky when we went to check on one of his friends, years ago, whose out-of-state family was worried about his well-being because he had AIDS, and so my husband had a key to his apartment and when we went to check on him, he'd shot himself in the head.

Earlier this year, another friend of his, who had moved out of the city several years before, had intricately planned her own demise on the anniversary of her failed wedding, down to leaving notes and wills, and slitting her own throat in the bathtub. She was a brilliant yet unappreciated artist and had designated who would get each piece of her artwork in her notes.

Now today we find out that the big story from Monday's news turned out to be about another old friend of his, whom he hadn't seen in person in years, but had apparently been depressed enough to coax the Houston Police department into shooting her after a car chase, news copters on scene and all. She was a very sweet, quiet and kind girl, she came to our house to visit during the 90's then drifted away when we moved. Sparky had known her since the 1970's, meeting her through the fan and convention circuit, she was a fellow movie collector and she actually gave him quite a bit of her collection over the years, he never understood why and would make videos for her as a "trade", but apparently she wanted her things to go to a nice home.

She worked for the Department of Public Safety in the driver's license bureau, we had spoken several times of our mutual desire (and failure) to become police officers. The news reports said she had been hospitalized, not shown up to work and had stopped taking her medicine, so her employer sent the Houston Police looking for her, and they found her driving around in her truck with her sister. They tried to stop her, she out ran them, they spiked her tires and as she pulled over, her sister tossed a gun out of the window.

And Angie jumped out of her truck, retrieved the gun and raised it towards her sister and the police shot her, she was dead on the scene. And that's all we know so far. The news reports say there are rumours that she was suicidal, if that was true she was successful. She certainly went out big, the incident created a huge traffic jam in the area during rush hour, and she was the top story on the evening news. She was 48 years old.

The few times I've mulled over the idea of suicide, I've always leaned towards the non-painful methods. I have a gun, but would not like to be shot, with my luck I'd end up being paralyzed or something worse. I don't like knives, if anyone ever finds me dead of anything other than an overdose of something sedating, please consider it a homicide. I used to drive so much in my work I always figured if anything unnatural happened to me it would be a major car accident. Lord knows I've had enough of the things.

But even at my most depressed, I wasn't selfish enough to leave my parents, pets or husband behind. And my biggest fear is I'll have to come right back and start all over again. I believe in reincarnation, and the idea of starting over scares the hell out of me, especially in today's screwed up world.

This morning's paper has the story Group Question's Motorists Shooting. That's nice - I hope someone does. But from my years of law enforcement experience, if someone really wants to kill themself they usually do it. The people that threaten and whine about it constantly don't.

I hate drama. I don't ever want to be on the news, for anything, good or bad. I can't believe what's going on all over the world now, and everyone knows and sees every detail. And no one does anything about it. We all just hide in our homes, hoping it won't touch our little lives.

Related links:

ABC Houston News
CBS Houston News
NBC Houston News

Royal at Esplanade Street -- click image for larger view

OK, I think the digestive problems I had the other day were not caused by food poisoning but by an accumulation of nerves and stress. I have a hiatal hernia and my entire upper abdomen has been swollen, painful and feels like there is a large rock in there, especially when I am moving around. I haven't had problems much in that area lately and I'm trying to remember what the hell to take for it. I used to take a generic anti-spasmodic called Hyoscyamine (sp?) but I think when I went to the doctor for my physical last I got a version with Belladonna in it, which I took once and had head to toe hives afterward so I dunno... It's been hurting for three days now, I might call my stranded friend and see if her husband can call me the old prescription in... I hate to bug him for something silly like that, but he's helped me out with antibiotics and things before.

Speaking of, I haven't talked to my friend Mary today. We tend to be late night chatters and I hate to think I'm going to wake up her baby, husband, and other relatives by calling too late. She's been mostly using her cellphone, but since her former household is all in one room now I think I'll let her call me.

I made a grocery store run tonight, we were starting to run out of "important" things like Sparky's Diet Mountain Dew and popcorn. And I was down to one minibag of Watermelon Jelly Bellies, my current sugar addiction. I actually like the Buttered Popcorn flavored ones better, but the little kiosk in my grocery store has only had Watermelon, Cinnamon and now Licorice (and several little multiflavor bags, I may have to get one of the Tropical Asst. next). I've falled off the sugar and candy wagon again... I'd like to start drinking again but I've been having too many bladder related problems and really don't want to deal with that right now.

I went to the store after dinner because I had to get some DVDs up on Ebay if I want to have any money at all this weekend (my commission people need to be paid), and I didn't get hardly anything done this past week. The store was full of unfamiliar faces, and a few yuppies trying to get their stuff and get out as fast as possible. I have to admit to one actual moment of being a little worried when a group of black teenagers got a little too excited in the back of the store, which I was headed to. They didn't sound violent, just way too excited to be in a grocery store at 10 pm on a Monday night. There were lots of young people shopping tonight, not at all the normal clientele. And some of the young men who worked there were discussing an episode of someone being robbed for flashing too much money, nice...

Last week's shopping trip was actually much more dangerous, and that was several days before the storm even hit. A young woman was robbed at gunpoint while I was in the store shopping, and because the way the place is laid out (it's a huge maze after a recent remodel, bad idea guys), all I could hear was someone screaming and cursing and them a lot of banging around. When I got back up towards the front of the store, I saw a young black female bodybuilder that I had passed earlier (she was beautiful, you had to notice her), pacing back and forth at the front of the store, screaming into her cellphone, and there were some displays of bicycles and things laying on their sides in her wake, which would explain the crashing sound. I had to sideline one of the sackers to escort me out to get the story of what actually happened.

I got an escort out tonight too. Besides feeling like crap (I had to load and unload all of the groceries once already), Sparky had heard some stories from the convenience store in our neighborhood that they were going to such extremes as not selling money orders after 4:00 pm for the safety of their customers and themselves, because there were a lot more people than normal walking around the area. So as my sacker is helping me out the door, and I'm trying to balance the cart (I stuff as much as possible into it each time, I hate to grocery shop) three police cars with lights and sirens fly down the street, in a huge fricking hurry. When I was a few blocks from my turn-in, I saw where they all were... right at the end of my street, great. There must have been eight police cars, two ambulances and I'm sure some wreckers in the melee, I turned in a few blocks early because it appeared the street was blocked in both directions. They were all out there for about an hour, so it was probably an auto accident.

There's just too much drama, I hate drama. I could live the rest of my life without any more drama, but there's just no way to avoid it. I think I'm going to channel some of my energy into ransacking my wardrobe and looking for things to give to charity. It looks like there are a few clothing donation centers that aren't too far away that I can give clothing to the hurricane victims, Star of Hope and Goodwill. I used to give to the Houston Women's Center a lot, but they stopped accepting donations directly. Purging with a cause makes me feel better, and I still have a lot more clothes than I wear working at home. I've given several cash donations to the Red Cross, Noah's Wish, the Houston Humane Society, and the Houston Humane Society (which I give to fairly regularly anyway), every little bit helps.

Excerpts from today's New York Times op-ed article:

Almost as soon as the cameras began panning over the rooftops, and the helicopters began chopping free those trapped in their attics, a chorus of voices rose. "Why didn't they leave?" people asked both on and off camera. "Why did they stay there when they knew a storm was coming?" One reporter even asked me, "Why do people live in such a place?"

Well, here's an answer. Thousands didn't leave New Orleans because they couldn't leave. They didn't have the money. They didn't have the vehicles. They didn't have any place to go. They are the poor, black and white, who dwell in any city in great numbers; and they did what they felt they could do - they huddled together in the strongest houses they could find. There was no way to up and leave and check into the nearest Ramada Inn.

I know that New Orleans will win its fight in the end. I was born in the city and lived there for many years. It shaped who and what I am. Never have I experienced a place where people knew more about love, about family, about loyalty and about getting along than the people of New Orleans. It is perhaps their very gentleness that gives them their endurance.

They will rebuild as they have after storms of the past; and they will stay in New Orleans because it is where they have always lived, where their mothers and their fathers lived, where their churches were built by their ancestors, where their family graves carry names that go back 200 years. They will stay in New Orleans where they can enjoy a sweetness of family life that other communities lost long ago.

But to my country I want to say this: During this crisis you failed us. You looked down on us; you dismissed our victims; you dismissed us. You want our Jazz Fest, you want our Mardi Gras, you want our cooking and our music. Then when you saw us in real trouble, when you saw a tiny minority preying on the weak among us, you called us "Sin City," and turned your backs.

Well, we are a lot more than all that. And though we may seem the most exotic, the most atmospheric and, at times, the most downtrodden part of this land, we are still part of it. We are Americans. We are you.

Royal Street at night.. click on the image to see the larger photo in a new window


I have lots of photos of New Orleans (B.K.) that I've taken over the last few years that I've been meaning to put up on the New Orleans page of my main website, so I'm going to post some here just to give myself something positive to do. I've also been meaning to change the focus of the page away from Anne Rice and more towards New Orleans in general. I haven't read an Anne Rice book in years (nothing personal, too busy), and the annual parties are (were) mostly very small private affairs that I did not attend. And Ms. Rice has finally moved away from her beloved NOLA (did she know something we didn't?).

People write me occasionally to ask me what to do, where to go in New Orleans, and want details on the disbanded fan club, but alas, I don't live there, I'm just one of the many people who worship the city. I grew up going on vacations there with my family, went there many times as an adult to visit, attended quite a few of the ARVLFC balls, and my best friend (who grew up in the area) moved back there at the turn of the century.

It's always been my dream to live there, I figured I'd probably move there when I was older and my family in Houston no longer needed me. I even considered joining the police department back during a solo 1989 trip, but the salary was so low it wasn't really a practical option.

To those of us who grew up on the Gulf Coast, this is our 9/11. Except imagine the buildings burning for days on end, instead of hours. People stood in the gaping, broken windows for five days, pleading and screaming for help... At least they have finally cleared the Superdome and Convention Center, that was just too heartbreaking to watch. Especially when celebrities and news crews didn't seem to have any problems getting in, but the government seemed to be completely baffled, as if they had never seen water before.

I've been listening to Cassandra Wilson's Belly of the Sun on repeat this evening, Songs like "You Gotta Move", "Darkness on the Delta" and "Shelter From the Storm" are even more poignant and moving than usual.

And an added note, before Sparky went to bed he was flipping channels and we saw Celine Dion's hysterical outburst on Larry King (I think she was also one of the few that spoke off script in the 9/11 concert, I'm not a fan, but I admire her heart), and Kanye West's complete comments from the Friday night Hurricane Concert. (Poor Mike Myers) But I must disagree, Dubya doesn't just hate black people, he hates all Americans (except the very elite, and those in the Federalist Society I suppose).

Oh good, I feel better already. At least I broke through the perfectionist paralyzation and "where to begin" barricades.

Way too much stuff, good and bad has been going on this summer. Overwhelming, suffocating things (literally). Been filling the voids with a weird balance of obsessive work and obsessive shopping. And I don't have to leave my chair to do either (sigh). And I'm scarily efficient at both.

In the "real" world, I've been helping my parents with some of their medical problems, being chauffeur and escort, which is one of the reasons I got a big four-door car last year when it came time to replace the old two-door. And I took the Maxima on it's first road trip, it did everything beautifully except maneuver the narrow streets of New Orleans (there's got to be something I can do about it's lack of turning radius, it's embarrassing). And the factory stereo system is lacking, doesn't do well with the 70 mph road noise. Amazing highway car, though, just a joy to drive.

I've been dealing with my own really horrendous health problems too (yes, worse than my usual problems). I seem to have developed a really bad case of asthma (yea! a new health problem, more meds to buy each month!), which started as just a cough, turned into lots of chest congestion, and then manifested itself as full-blown can't breathe, wheezing bronchial spasm attacks. I have a whole new respect for my father's emphysema, which is one of many serious problems he battles daily. And I don't smoke, never have, hate to be around it. But my theory is my problems came about as a result of an incorrectly diagnosed medicine (which dramatically worsened, if not caused, the congestion to begin with).

But more on all these stories to come... particularly since I now have extremely limited vocal abilities to do much in the way of oral storytelling, perhaps I can clear some of the static in my brain by writing it down.

Small amount of guilt now assuaged, perhaps I can sleep tonight...

Wow, of course I was in the middle of listing some of the tons of DVDs I have sitting all over my office and the ENTIRE eBay site crashed in the middle of it. That was at about 9:45 pm CST, and it's now 11:15 and they actually have put up an announcement:

******Site Temporarily Unavailable****** Date: 05/09/05 Time: 09:03:12 PM PDT

We are aware the site is unavailable. We are working to resolve this issue as quickly as possible.
We appreciate your patience,
eBay

I hope they don't lose all my listings... I knew they were in serious trouble when I finally managed to get to my auction listings page and it said I had "no items for sale", gulp... that should be more like 150 items for sale...

At least they are aware of the problem, I don't really have a choice about the patience part, though.

More fuel for the spammers to send pings to... I've got to start writing again regularly, between the bizarre (for Houston at least) streaks of cold weather, taking a few weeks off from eBay for a vacation, and the usual January malaise I haven't been too motivated lately to do much of anything.

And as much as I'm trying to keep informed of what's going on in the world around me on a semi-daily basis, which lately has been mostly comprised of watching at least the Daily Show with Jon Stewart and Randi Rhodes (her shows are archived now, thank you goddess!), I need to get back to more trivial stuff (in addition to the horrors of this current world) just to get it out of my head and maintain some sort of balance. I think I need to switch antidepressants also, my OCD has just been out of control since last fall and the generic Prozac is just not doing it. My poor little kitty brain is just overwhelmed with things to do that it's difficult to get anything useful done.

And to be really hypocritical of myself, January is always my shopping month. Because my birthday falls at the beginning of the year and my parents are usually kind enough to give me some money, so I usually have a year's worth of wants and needs by the time the holidays roll around each year. So, yes, I go out and buy a bunch of stuff (and pay off bills also) annually, but I have to admit it's normally a very well thought out list. So that's also been keeping me busy. I get things I actually need and fill up the big empty hole I try and ignore the rest of the year.

My biggest problem with shopping is that I'm a really scarily efficient shopper. I worked in retail for most of my life, I've ran up thousands of dollars in credit card bills with the efficiency of the Neocons (which are paid off now, by my husband, and chopped up and destroyed, also by my husband). Being obsessive compulsive, though. buying a lot of things in a short time period can get really scary. While my husband goes and looks at the same big screen TV over and over again, I just walk in and buy everything I need and leave. Just checking things off the list, you know? Not that I don't appreciate getting them, it's just become such a weird routine for like the last 20 years, in January I buy a years worth of stuff.

And then I have a panic attack and feel like I have to get rid of a lot of things. Binge and purge. So I've been overdosing on organizing stuff, though I haven't managed to get half as much as I'd like done. I did manage to give away some more clothes to charity, though I really need to part with more. They cost so damn much, though. And clothes don't really sell that well on eBay, even fairly new ones, but it's hard to give away Liz Claiborne and Jones NY clothing even though I work at home now and rarely go anywhere I'd actually wear them to now. And even though it's cold, I hardly ever wear any of my sweaters any more. But they're merino and cashmere, dammit! (OK, mostly May Department Stores brand, but still nice stuff) But I'm so lazy now I don't want to wear anything I can't hand wash, I make it to the dry cleaner maybe once a year.

It's actually a good thing it's cold here in January because any kind of cold weather just freaks me out, I really do go into hibernation. I don't want to go outside, hell, I don't even want to get out of bed. (I have dry laundry in the garage right now, but I haven't worked up the nerve to go out in the cold and get it yet) I've got no coordination, no energy... and it's only in the 40s here, I can't imagine what it's like to live somewhere it actually snows! I froze my ass off in Austin, Texas during the three years I lived there, but that was during the coldest winter in recent history where it actually got down into the teens and there was black ice everywhere. The coldest place I've personally been in my life, though, was Kansas in February. OMG, my dad went through basic training for the army in Kansas in the winter time... I just spent a few days there and both me and my warm blooded hubby just about died.

Ok, so what did I buy for myself? I never know how much I'm going to get each year, but this year I did quite well so I managed to check most of the items off of my list.

Number one - an electric piano. I've been obsessed with getting one most of this year when I realized how good they sound now and that I'd probably actually be coordinated enough to learn to play. And it's a good project to maintain what little coordination I have left, the multiple sclerosis has taken a lot of it away. I got very discouraged musically growing up because I really sucked at playing guitar. I always wanted to learn to play an instrument, but I was never good at playing guitars, yet somehow I had three of them during my life. Even a pretty candy red electric one. I always wanted to learn piano, though, and/or drums. But of course, they were both impractical. And expensive. And loud. My parents did give me an organ as a girl, but all I remember of the poor thing was that the sound was awful, the key response was very slow (and I was very hyper), and I was not happy with it. So, due to modern technology, my musical curiousity is being satisfied. And now I have 829 different instruments sitting on the desk next to me, and a new thing to learn, which makes me just insanely happy.

Number two - a cobalt blue paisley comforter. Sounds like a simple thing to find, but finding a comforter that matches royal blue drapes and is not mostly white is near impossible. I've been looking for years for a nice blue printed comforter that wasn't navy blue (which tends to have some green in it). So when I found Ralph Lauren's Putney Paisley last summer, I crossed my fingers I'd be able to get it before all of the kings were gone. And by January it had been discontinued, but I hunted it down and found one. And I got a nice dark blue Lauren bedskirt, and the coordinating striped pillowcases instead of shams just to be different (and the shams were almost $100 each). And me and the kitty are both in heaven. I thought my last comforter was nice, but this one is just decadent, which makes it doubly hard to get out of bed now.

Also on my list were a new bigger esternal hard drive and a faster non-photo printer, but they didn't make the cut this time. Because the piano is supposed to be internet-friendly (though not very Mac friendly), I did get a router and the litttle thingy that is supposed to connect the piano to the router, and thus to my broadband connection, but all I managed to do was screw up my IP address and piss myself off bigtime trying to set up the router, so it's just sitting on my desk right now. I also actually broke down and purchased the upgrade for Suitcase and am still in the process of trying to get all of my fonts working again after I stupidly ran Font Doctor (which came with Suitcase for free) and let it "organize" my fonts (it's the whole organization craze again).

What else... I wanted to replace my current cordless phone with a 5.8 ghz version in hopes it won't be as full of static as my 2.4 ghz one is, but I haven't done that either (obviously phones are not as high on my list as computers). I did replace my enormous overly bright green display clock radio with a very small, nice red display one (that's a story unto itself for later), though it ended up only costing like $15. Now it I could get my husband to replace his (which is the same as my old one, it's so bright it throws shadows on the ceiling), maybe I'd be happy.

Brrrrrr, gotta go out and get the laundry now. And then maybe off to my warm cozy bed with the kitty. Probably not, but it's a nice thought.

Open the floodgates, it's the US version of the running of the bulls, otherwise known as Black Friday. It's an all out orgiastic, adrenaline-fueled buying frenzy. And the worse the economy, the more people seem to turn out. People don't even look at the tags, they just buy, buy, buy.

Then they spend the following year trying to pay off all the charges, so they can do it again!

Since I have been in the wonderful positions of being:

* the security person who opens the doors (and tried to keep people from stealing stuff) * the salesperson who has to try and keep all these crazy people happy * the clerical who has to input all of the price changes and order all of the clothing and make sure it arrived in time * And the internal auditor who would get rolling hampers full of register tapes to try and balance...

I'm not real fond of this time of year. You could skip right from Thanksgiving to New Year's and I'd be really happy. I like Thanksgiving, turkey and dressing is one of my favorite all-time meals, I even know how to cook a turkey if I have to. But the next five weeks?

Here's a great quote from an article titled Predawn bargains drive retail frenzy

''I love Christmas,'' said Melanie Baker, 32, a schoolteacher. ``It's my favorite time of the year, even though I'm going broke.''

To people in other countries this may look strange, but Americans are conditioned to completely freak out and buy everything they see as soon as Thanksgiving dinner is over. Some stores were open on Thanksgiving day, Garden Ridge Pottery has been open 24 hours a day this week and will stay open through Sunday (I'll bet those are some happy employees). I'm beginning to wonder if the turkey distributors put something in them, maybe steroids, or speed. Or maybe it's the stuffing people, who knows...

I'm sorry, it's not worth it to me to drive around in circles to find a parking place, get bumped and pushed by other shoppers, and then wait in endless lines to actually buy the stuff. If you're just going for the one or two bargains, good for you. But most people can't stop at one or two "good" bargains. Especially if they have a credit card, I've been there.

And while Americans are lining up in the cold at 4 am in front of Wal-Mart and Sears for $20 DVD players, people in other parts of the world are standing in the cold for slightly more important reasons...

I know it's wishful thinking, but....

I'm not going ANYWHERE today. I spent my entire life living with and working in retail (my dad worked his butt off at the same place I did) and this time of year just makes me feel guilty, broke and frustrated. And I hate crowds and standing in line. Trust me, the stores will still have stuff to buy next week... (And a lot of their really good sales don't happen for another week or two, honestly)

Halloween is my favorite holiday. Always has been, always will be. I just hate all the crap that's going on at Halloween time this year. Our party went well enough, and somehow we managed to come out exactly right with the candy for the kids this year even though I was generous and several kids double-dipped. We only had two incidents, one a crying kid refuding candy because his father reprimanded him for ringing the doorbell three times, and the other a scuffle with a bunch of overly enthusiastic 8 year olds who ended up knocking over one of our lighted porch figures and falling into our bushes spilling candy all over the ground. Which caused their adult escort to come running out of her car offering to pay for anything damaged (just a broken bulb, it's OK).

Then Monday comes and my dad calls Sparky because they've got water leaking out of the walls in a closet. Which apparently has been going on long enough to cause mildew to grow all over the walls, yuck. And the water leaked under the wall into the adjoining dining room. What a mess, like they haven't been through enough crap lately. Neither one of them can hardly walk right now, my dad can't breathe and now they've got fans blowing gunk all over their house to try and dry the remaining carpet out and people tearing moldy sheetrock up. The same thing happened to me when I lived in a townhouse in Austin, my neighbor decided to install his own washing machine, which promptly drained through my kitchen right into my den. The fans blew dirt all over my house. My parents problem is due to a leftover AC condensation drain that wasn't rerouted properly when that part of the house was remodeled from garage into an extra wing of the house, and stopped up. We have a similar problem in our middle bedroom where AC condensation drips out of one of the air vents when it's really hot and humid outside.

What else happened on Monday... Oh yeah, it rained all fricking day! And all night! And into Tuesday... Not just rain, flooding, earth shattering thunder and lightning. Monday night the power actually went out (while I was in the middle of a long blog entry) so I gave up and took a nap. So I couldn't sleep Monday night. I'm considering going to bed earlier tonight,my brain hurts from all the election crap today and I feel a sinus infection coming on, good grief, that's what I need, to be dizzy on top of everything. And I know Sparky won't let me sleep on Wednesday, he's going to be way too freaked out...

Birthday wishes to my mom, who is 75 today! We're at that place where she doesn't really NEED anything, doesn't use perfume, etc. so for Mother's Day and birthday she usually gets a book store gift card from me. Other than cash, it's my personal favorite gift, you can never have too many books or too much music :-)

Actually she's easier to buy for than my father. I don't like to pick books for other people unless I know they actually want something or really like an author. It must run in the family, I'm hard to buy for also. My husband just asks me what I want and gives me the money for it pretty much. My dad and I also share that guilt gene where we obsess whether we're getting the right thing, right size, color, etc. And I grew up in a retail family, so we always get way too carried away at Christmas. It would actually be fine with me if we just got together and ate dinner, we stopped exchanging gifts with most of our friends years ago, it just got too crazy. Christmas always gave me headaches. I don't mind sending cards, that's actually kind of fun, but when stores put out Christmas decorations in August (before Halloween even), it just really takes a lot of fun out of the holiday...

My best friend Mary's birthday is this Wednesday, she's in New Orleans or I'd get together with her also. I travel so infrequently now, originally because of lack of money and lack of reliable transportation, then because we had an elderly dog. But now I have a decent car, about the same amount of money, but now we have a codependant cat. We haven't spent more than a few hours away from the house since we adopted her last March. My husband says she sits at the door and cries when I go to the grocery store until I get back.

About the only place I'd like to go is to NOLA, I don't mind the 7 hour drive, if I could take the kitty I would, but I don't think my friend's three cats would appreciate it. Plus Phoebe hates to ride in cars, she cries the whole way to the vet, which is about 2 miles away. But I'm so paranoid, even taking her to the vet makes me nervous, hell, opening the garage door makes me nervous. I could never have kids (sigh).

Ramble, ramble... but anyway, happy Birthday to my two favorite Virgos!

OK, I've been swamped this week and too busy (and brain dead) to type, but this story is too good to not pass on:

A man who tried to shoot seven puppies was shot himself when one of the dogs put its paw on the revolver's trigger...

I often am not sure who I am. Online and in person. I've been married twice but never changed my name though the Social Security department so legally I've only actually had one name. But I've had bank accounts with three (actually four counting my business checking) names, driver's licenses with two names, my health insurance is in my married name, but my homeowner's and car insurance are in my maiden name still. So when people ask me my name, I'm sometimes not sure how to respond.

I also have a long first name and go by the diminutive, though I have always called my brother by his full name. Just to add to the confusion, my father goes by his middle name, which is also my brother's middle name. My husband also goes by his middle name. But with banks and ATM cards, etc., I use my full name. I don't really like my full name, but my middle name is very plain so I don't use it. Though when I was in trouble my dad would call me by both names (gulp). Or when I wasn't, he would often use the diminutive of BOTH names.

I have a confusing last name but I'm hesitant to give it up. It only has two syllables but has a lot of consonants in it, including an X, which for some reason blows people's minds and renders them unable to pronounce it without making it into three syllables. My husband's name only has one syllable, which seems easy enough, but it's plural and people tend to drop the S at the end. You should see the odd assortment of free labels I get in the mail. One actually had my husband's first name and my last name, which I still haven't figured out.

My husband has begun leaning on to me to legally change my name to his, even though I do go by it in most situations. I'm hesitant to lose it, though. I'm also not really fond of hyphenating it, which is what I did last time on my driver's license. It would be confusing for things like my medical and pharmacy records, which have been switched over to my married name in the last few years since we no longer have insurance through my last job. The doctor's office has enough trouble locating my records without giving them a different letter to file them under.

I tried to change my name this time on my TDL and the new rule is you have to go through Social Security first now. I think when I do go into the SS office, I'm just going to have them add my married name to the end of my name, with no hyphen, but I want to keep my maiden name in the fray also.

I began working at my last away from home job when I was married to my first husband. I had also worked at the company before I was married, as had my brother, and my dad had recently retired after 20+ years as an executive, so our family name was well known and loved. Everyone that had been there for more than about five years knew my dad, he was one of the good people, who had been there in the days before the mergers, layoffs and imported out-of-state executives. The tenured folks all knew him as a nice man who was also very fair and competent. Plus his name was on their checks for years. Since I had never changed my name through Social Security, I had to go to work under my maiden name. And that was fine with me, actually. Then I divorced, and transferred back to Houston and went to work at the corporate offices where my dad had worked and everyone knew me. And my husband waited seven years to propose, so I had almost 15 years of working under the same name and didn't really think about changing it while I was there.

I'm not having kids, and it's unlikely my brother will be either, so we're literally the last of our family name. It's very obscure nationwide, and I'm told it was Americanized upon immigrating from Ireland, and from what I've researched, it's also scarce overseas. The story is the boat sank on the way over, so many of our ancestors didn't make it across the ocean. My brother and I are adopted, but still, I used to actually have my name on my license plate out of pride. (Wouldn't do it now, though)

My husband is also the last of his line. His sister had two daughters, but they go by their father's name. My husband's middle name is actually his mother's family's last name, just to add to the confusion. But that line has continued on.

I have a business DBA. And for even more confusion, on the internet I really lose track of who I am. I have mine and my husband's names for eBay, several domains that I receive mail through, Yahoo and Gmail accounts (which I rarely check), and I'm alternately known to some of my online-only friends by my real name, and Morticia and sometimes Tish. All of my domain emails come through my cable modem account (which is in my maiden name as is the cable bill) and into one giant inbox. I get hundreds of emails a day, which are mostly spam. I get eBay emails for me and my husband (he buys things, I buy and sell), I get emails for each of my domains, emails for his business (I do all of the email and computer work for both of us). I have a home address and a PO Box. Our phone number is actually a forwarded number because my husband wanted to hold on to his old number when we moved. And we have a fax number. And a cell phone...

So if you ask me what my name is and I give you a blank stare for a moment, you'll know the reason why.

Just for the heck of it, here are my thoughts on my "new" car. Please note, this is from the point of view of a 5'1" small female who has never owned anything put two door sports & compact cars and my comparison point is a 1991 two-door Cutlass. I'm still getting used to having a full-sized, four door car, from maneuvering it through parking lots to getting it into my garage without scraping anything. Memories of my mom driving her gigantic station wagon and having to pull into our driveway and then make a full 180 degree turn into our garage. I would stand in the garage and try and direct her in while she piloted an enormous boat of a car. I learned to drive in a boat also, my dad's 1970's Impala, but my own first car was a 1979 Camaro, which was much easier to parallel park (and had plastic bumpers so it I bumped into someone it wasn't tragic).

The 255 hp engine was another big selling point for me, being a speed freak, driving in Houston you need a car that can get out of the way in an emergency if needed, drivers here are nuts and the percentage of trucks and SUVs on the road is very high. The engine even looks beautiful, the fluid reservoirs are clearly marked, see through and color coded and the engine block is gorgeous. The acceleration on this car is amazing, I'd love to be able to get it out where I can really test it, but long stretches of open road aren't easily available any more. Years ago, especially when I worked nights and would be the only one out I could get my cars to well over 100 mph on the freeways, but there is too much 24/7 traffic now. And I'd like to keep my driving record as clean as possible since I'm now paying for collision.

My 6 foot plus husband is quite comfortable in the passenger seat as is my 75 year old father, and the three back seat passengers I've had so far have all told me the ride in the back seat is excellent. The suspension is firm but not teeth rattling, and not too cushy. You can feel the road, the handling is excellent, though the turning radius is not very good. But again it's a long car with 17 inch tires. The center of gravity is a little higher than I'd like in turns, and the driver's seat a little too firm with not much lateral support to keep you in place, but perhaps that will break in the more I drive it. And, in the future, I might alter the tires and suspension to lower the car a bit. The steering wheel is fairly ergonomic, but I need to learn to hold it slightly different. For years I've been driving with my right hand where I can steer and honk if needed and it's a bit difficult with this wheel. I also tend to drive with both feet (after having a standard transmission) and the pedals are a little bit closer together than I'd like.

Visibility is excellent except for the high head rests (all the cars have them now, it's for "our own good"). The two door cars I test drove all had very poor rear and side visibility, though if they made a Maxima in a two door I might have chosen it. The Honda Accords I tested had decent leg room in the two doors but no visibility, and no leg room in the four door models. The automatic dimming rear mirror is wonderful, it cuts all of the glare out, day and night. Even the tinted tops of the windshield are just right for blocking out glare. The dashboard controls are all very easy to see even with the steering wheel tilted all the way up, the speed and tachometer are nice big gauges and very sporty looking. The car is taller than I'd like, but it is a nice change to be able to see more at intersections without being completely dwarfed by the other vehicles. Both side view mirrors are electric and adjust from a switch on the dashboard, which is nice.

Being short, I can't reach anything in the back seat (or even on the floor) without moving my electric seat all the way back. I've bought a little mesh tote bag to put behind the passenger seat so I can throw my CD case, extra umbrella, etc., into it and reach back and pull it over to me. On my last car I could push both front seats forward easily to get back there. The only logical place I could find to put a trash bag was looped over the back of the center console. If I didn't have a front seat passenger regularly I could probably figure out a bit more ergonomic setup, and leave more things on the front seat and floor. The center console is roomy, it actually has two trays in it, and the drink holder can hold either small bottles or my large quart size of Evian, which I choose to keep with me. There are two power outlets, which will be good for traveling and for photography trips for my camera's battery charger. There is also a handy overhead holder for sunglasses.

The steering wheel does tilt but it is so minimal it's not worth bothering with except to initially set it for driving. The only reason I even mention that is because I am short and have to move the seat about 3/4 of the way up to reach the pedals. But I don't have to move it all the way, thank goodness. That was one of the selling points for me, that I actually had a bit of legroom without having the dashboard in my lap and the windshield right in my face. The adjustable electric driver's seat adjust nicely and I think the lumbar support will be great on trips. I would have liked to have the programmable memory for the seat, but it's very quick to readjust without too much fidgeting. My biggest gripe is probably that there is no place to rest my arm on the armrest. There is a sort of sunken tray where my elbow should go, because I have the seat pulled forward. I've actually tried stuffing one of my gel desk pads into it, which would work on a long trip, but then there is no place to grab the door to pull it closed. I'm also still freaked out over the fact that there are air bags, not good for short people, and I'm also a control freak about being able to see to steer in an emergency. I didn't actually want automatic brakes either, but they are another standard feature you can't get away from today. I haven't had a braking emergency yet so I have no idea if they will help or hinder me.

The air conditioning is first rate and fabulously adjustable for someone who's personal thermostat varies from minute to minute. And even with the 100 degree weather we've had this month I've been able to keep the car comfortable. The interior lighting is terrific with one overhead and two map lights. The overhead light can be set to automatic, off or on. This actually matters to me because on most of my previous cars I would actually cut the cord that led to the door so the light would NOT come on every time I opened the door. I used to have to take my own car to work a lot and would often sit in it outdoors at night working security, and the light attracted attention and mosquitoes. I still run a lot of late night errands and not having the light pop on when I don't want it to is a nice option. Haven't tried the rear window defroster yet, though I'm looking forward to it. It's so humid here it should come in handy year round with condensation. I'm still getting used to the windshield washer controls, which give you almost too many options. Same for the headlight controls, which go from auto (on at night) to running lights to on again. There are also fog lamps. The super-bright Xenon headlights seem to be upsetting some of the other drivers, but they really improve night time visibility, which I have been having problems with to the point of not even wanting to drive at night in the last few years.

The stereo system is very good, but I haven't been able to get it as fine tuned as I'd like. (I'm really finicky about front/rear speaker balance, etc.). It would be nice to have the premium sound system, which has a CD changer and automatic road sound volume adjustment. Mine has the standard 1 CD, AM/FM and a cassette player. The volume and CD track controls are on the wheel, though, which is handy. And the stereo is fairly intuitive and very easy to reach.

What else?? This is the first car I've had with an alarm and remote entry, which makes me feel very special, though it's still a little alarming to have the car honk at me every time I set the alarm. Someone on one of the review pages was complaining about the trunk hinges but I'm not sure I understand why. When you pop the trunk remotely it opens just an inch or two, but I actually prefer that so everyone at the supermarket isn't looking at my car and also when it's raining it's a good idea not to have the trunk spring wide open. It's not a particularly large trunk, but the back seats do fold down for long items, and it actually holds quite a lot. There is a cargo net, which I haven't really bothered with yet, but will probably come in handy.

The exterior is very attractive, sporty and as unique as a new model car can be these days. The alloy wheels are very nice, no more lost hubcaps, I just hope no one steals them. Years ago that was a constant problem for cars with sports wheels, we'd often find them up on concrete blocks in the mornings at the apartments where I worked, but I think they are so common now that hopefully no one will mess with them. And I have a garage to keep my car in also.

Now my husband is thinking about getting a newer car so I'll probably be researching cars for him soon. I noticed when I was looking that one of the full-sized cars, I think it was the Toyota Avalon, actually has an optional bench front seat, which he just loves, and being tall would be fine for him. My dad's Impala had a bench seat. I remember me on the driver's side and my dad with his knees pulled up to his chest and his hands braced on the dashboard while I practiced driving. We may have to stick with bucket seats after all...

Quick entry, more later when I have more time to write...

My 30 day Carmax warranty expired last week so, being a responsible adult, I made an appointment to have it checked out on the very last day of the warranty period. But I had to be there at 8am, which served me right for waiting till the last minute. I could only find three things for them to check out - the windshield washers weren't quirting even though there was fluid, the light was out in the glove box, and I wanted to make sure my headlights were aligned because people keep flashing me and one of my pet peeves is being blinded by other people's lopsided headlights.

I got there at like 8:05 (which is amazing for me, trust me) checked the car in and went to sit in their waiting room with about 5 other people. I'd brought a magazine, but CNN headline news was on so I alternated between looking up at the TV and looking down at my magazine (Real Simple, easy to scan). Being more of a reader than a watcher the scroll kept getting my attention, weirdest one that went by:

Camp for Underprivileged Children - Boy collapses and dies after being frightened by a bear.

Saw a commercial for (I think) Dell with new college roommates, a little goth girl all in black meets a tan blonde vallery girl type, but it's OK because they use the same computer.

But, before my butt could give out (I'm not good at sitting in waiting room chairs anywhere, if I can't put my feet up under me I don't last long), the service guy came back and said "You're ready to go!". Being my mother's daughter, I had brought provisions for several hours worth of waiting - water, two snack bars, a big wad of kleenex, and my magazine - but they finished in less than an hour and a half. Which is great because my nose was running the entire time and I know the other people in the waiting room were glad to see me go (I went through almost all the kleenex before I left).

A hose was disconnected for the washers, the dead light bulb was changed and the headlights were fine, just really bright. Now if the car will stay true to Nissan's excellent mechanical history and be a good trouble-free car for the next ten years or so, I've got it made :-)

I also filled the gas tank up for the first time the other day. It must be huge, it took $26 worth of Premium! I think the most I ever put in my last car was about $18, and that was when gas prices were at the $2 mark. But I parked next to an older Cutlass Calais the same size as my old one when I was getting groceries on the way home from Carmax, and the new car really dwarfs my old one. It's like three feet longer, it's taller and wider also. Perhaps I should have gotten an Altima (which was what I was originally looking at in the Nissan line), I think it would have been easier to drive and might have handled a little livelier, but I think the extra room will come in handy since I am the main driver in out family and I know my passengers will appreciate it. And, come the worst, safety-wise it never hurts to have a bigger car.

Someone please tell me why anyone would spend like two hours leaving 144 spam comments on a weblog and not even put the correct URL for their website? Good grief, like I'm not going to notice that many new comments...

We went out to eat with my parents tonight, it's nice being able to chauffeur them in my own car. Especially right now, my mom is recovering from a pelvic fracture from fainting from too much blood pressure medicine and my dad's back is just giving him hell. He's going to go to a pain management guy starting this week, he's had several back surgeries and a hip replacement in recent years and is not getting any help from his orthopedic doc, he also got overmedicated and was having dizzy spells. This new guy is an anaesthesiologist who can try some different things. I printed a bunch of literature for him on neurostimulation, which we're all hoping will work.

PLEASE let us get a President who is "interested in science" in office, and who is not a lackey to the drug companies. I'm trying to figure out this week how I'm going to pay for my four prescriptions, which even at Sam's Club's discount pharmacy prices are still going to be about $150. Sparky is telling me to just "do without" some of my medicines, especially my Ambien (which is $80 a month), but I'm not sleeping hardly at all with it so without it really scares me. I've tried several times to go without it for a week or so and I basically didn't sleep at all. I've never been a good sleeper, I think it's mostly the MS causing the problems, but any help at all is a blessing. My parents are paying a fortune for their medicines even with Medicare, and a gap policy. I think between the two of them they are also going to see a doctor about 2-3 times a week which ain't cheap either.

The last time one of my prescriptions expired the doctor tried to get me to come in for an $85 visit (even though I just had my physical a few months ago), and it took three phone calls to get her to renew the damn thing over the phone. I have about 8 prescriptions that I've been taking for years now, it's not like I'm asking for anything new and exciting. And I think I've just realized when I switched pharmacies last time that the new pharmacy is not giving me Fiorinal with codeine, just Fiorinal, which might explain why it hasn't really been working as well. Of course, that's the one I had to fight for over the phone, my doctor has a bad habit of not writing things exactly correct. I also need to see if I can get my Prozac split into two 20 mg pills a day instead of one 40 mg, I think the giant dose is making me sleepy.

However, I did find one way to save on two of my really mega-expensive medicines. Merck, who makes my migraine medicine (Maxalt) and the only allergy medicine I can take that doesn't contain an antihistamine (Singulair) has a patient assistance program that actually works. Because we are both self-employed and don't have insurance or Medicare, I am actually eligible for free medicine from them! And I really, honestly got it, three months worth of each. Maxalt is about $100 for 6 tablets (which is considered one months worth) and the Singulair is over $100 for a months worth. I wish the Ambien people has a program ;-) The most expensive medicine I ever got was some weekly self-administered (shudder) shots for my MS, which were about $2000 a month (I had real insurance at the time). Lucky for my finances, they didn't help me and actually made me feel worse.

My dental bills (and Sparky's soon-to-come ones, he's not in pain so he's spacing his visits further apart) are going to be the price of a semi-decent used car I'm afraid. Or a really killer Mac setup with all the bells and whistles. I'm thinking now the dentist must have hit a nerve or something with the injection on my last visit because the area he worked on is STILL numb and tender. I need to call his office again and see if there's anything they can do about this. And the mystery tooth is still worrying me.

My 30 day Carmax warranty is about to expire and I need to call them like today to get a few little things checked. Supposedly I still have part of the original manufacturer's warranty left also, it was 3 years and the car is a 2002, but the salesman wasn't sure how many months were actually left on it. One of my windshield washers isn't squirting, the light in my glove box is not working, and I think my headlights might be a bit out of alignment. It has Xenon headlights, even brighter than halogen, so I don't want to blind people. They're very nice with my night vision problems, though (which are mostly RK related), driving at night isn't as much of a nightmare anymore. I need to post my review of the car, just to get it out of my head. And speaking of cars, my first pricey insurance payment is due on Monday (gulp), I was paying just liability on the antique car but upped it to collision on this one. At least I have a good driving record, knock on wood.

I've almost gone through my first tank of gas, I think the tripometer is at 200+ miles or so, so even with the bigger V6 I seem to be getting much better gas mileage than my old 4 cylinder car did, which is nice. I haven't even tried the remote gas lid release yet, I guess I should do that before I take it in for service.

Excitement for today - I leaned on the panic button on my remote accidentally tonight while the car was in the garage still, scared the living crap out of both of us.

Geez, what a pain... I can't believe my face is still numb and swollen after almost a week, this is just SO not fair. I went to the grocery store tonight and got more soft food, flan, ice cream, danish... all the things I really need to be eating. And the mystery tooth on the opposite side is still hurting, my mouth feels so weird. Something must be infected. I'd like to know what it's like to not be in major pain or discomfort for just one bloody day, whine, whine, whine.

It's a full moon tonight and I have PMS also. Even the cat's feeling bad tonight, one of her eyes is red and itchy, poor thing. I've wiped her eye and face several times but she's still squinty. The grocery store had just two checkout lanes open and was packed. They have several self-checkout lanes open, but they all had very confused people standing in them waiting for assistance and I had a tomato and an onion to buy with no UPC bars and wasn't quite sure how to do that and didn't want to be one of the confused flashing light people. (Turns out you can self-checkout with produce, I'll have to try next time because I usually get along pretty well with the self-service lane). I wanted to get some Glyoxide (that sweet peroxide gel) for my mouth but they didn't have any. I'm tired of salt water, maybe I'll just swish some regular peroxide tonight. It's one of my "cure everything" remedies. I put it on wounds (warning, it can make scarring worse), I put it in my ears when they are aching and making me dizzy (probably not a good idea either), and have even gargled with it (just don't swallow the stuff!).

I was expecting over $100 worth of eBay payments in my PO box today, but only got $30, the big one is sitting at the post office waiting on a signature. It's registered and arrived on a Saturday so I can't claim it till Monday, oh well. Some idiot in a wrecker flashed his fancy strobing headlights at me tonight on the way home because he thought I had my high beams on, my new car has some sort of super bright headlights which I'm sure are really annoying to other drivers. I would have flashed him back, but I had a psycho in a wrecker chase me once for like 5 solid minutes because he thought I gave him the bird (I actually waved thanks at him after I had to cut in front of him because of sudden street construction) so I try not to piss wrecker drivers off. I used to have to work with them a lot as a security officer and they tend to be sort of defensive. And carry things like shotguns and crowbars with them. Not that I blame them.

I've actually never given anyone the finger, it's a very weird gesture to me. I'll curse at them, I'll honk at people (only if they do something really stupid, I'm not suicidal), but the whole finger thing is not a normal reflex for me. I'm not really coordinated fingerwise anyway, I could never play the guitar well. I can give you the Vulcan peace sign without thinking about it, but I'm a geek ;-)

Pretty new car on a blazing hot day... and I got to keep my custom plate frame :-)

Quick entry, more later when I can see straight, and hopefully the rain will stop and I can get some photos today... We bought a new car! Well, it's a 2002 but it's new to me and looks near mint, low mileage. Went to Carmax Monday because I had found a Honda Accord online with only like 9000 miles and was going to have it transferred from the Dallas area down here, but then I test drove a similar one (4 door, only tried the 2 doors before) and my damn knees hit the dash. That's a problem with me, I'm short and have to pull the seat almost all the way up and don't want the dash and windshield right on top of me.

But while I was hanging out in the showroom, they had a Nissan Maxima on display (actually the Nissan Altima was my third choice from researching but I hadn't seen one close-up yet) and I sat in it and pulled the seat up, and wow - I could actually see out (the windows all seemed to start lower than the others) and I didn't have a lap full of dash... hmmm... I hoped the salesman hadn't put the transfer through yet.

So after the disappointing test-drive on the Honda I mentioned I'd admired the Nissan in the showroom and he just sort of walked me over to a 2002 black Maxima. The first thing I said when I saw it was "It's got a spoiler!". It was gorgeous, much sportier than the Accord or Camry, I think I had put it on the back burner because it only came in a 4 door, but now the 4 door was my main choice (the new 2 doors all seem to have limited visibility and too small back seats). He said it had everything standard that the Accord had as options - the sport handling package with a V6 (with 55 more HP), all the bells and whistles, and it did NOT have a sunroof, yea! And it had a spoiler and 17" wheels!

So we went out for a drive, it was luxurious, fast and space age compared to my 91 Olds, I was sold! And it was $1000 less than the one we had chosen. My only two slight gripes were it had a higher center of gravity in turns than the Accord, and my elbow is resting in the coin tray on the door. Then I had to convince Sparky to come over right then so I wouldn't lose it. After much grumbling and my driving back to go get him he agreed. And they whisked my Olds away, gave us $800 bucks for it and said we could take the new car home that night. I was so stunned by how easy it all was I actually banged my teeth together the wrong way when he told us. I had taken most of the junk out of my old car earlier, just in case, but I hadn't expected to be driving a new car home. I had even mean to take a photo of my old car for memory's sake, but all I managed to come away with was my spider web license plate frame, which the nice people put on the back of the new car :-)

So, I'm still in shock. I had wanted power windows and good A/C, a V6 that was somewhat sporty and hopefully black, and I got so much more. And, despite the fact that I don't know what half the controls are yet, it's so easy to drive! I've never even had a car with a remote or an alarm before (except for one rental car) and now I feel like I'm in an airplane cockpit. I got so much more than I had hoped for, and it's a gorgeous, fast, sporty car, whee! I still keep peeking out the door to the garage just to look at, and I've taken my first real freeway test drive (in rush hour) so I feel a little more confident. And my parents are so proud that I got a "grown up" car after all the sports cars I've had, hee hee, little do they know ;-)

Wow, whirlwind week. Besides having to basically rebuild most of my system prefs, etc. in my Mac after a bizarre finder crash, plus having to have a new cable modem installed (and even the outside pole worked on), which all threw me terribly behind on my work, Sparky announced last week that (drumroll please...) I could FINALLY get another car!

Now, this may not sound like a big deal to some folks, but around this house it's earth shattering. Sparky is very slow to make decisions (it took us seven years to legally get married), and I have been bitching about my car almost since I got it, which was 1991. It was a present from my parents (no, I'm not ungrateful, really I'm not), but they picked it out and bought it without even asking my opinion. Granted, the car I had at the time was a supreme piece of crap (a 78 280Z with horrendous mechanical problems), I used to trade cars out on a regular basis, but never had the funds to get a new car so often my trade-ins brought more problems than the previous model. And I was a sports car freak, so I had a big disadvantage to begin with (my dad's favorite proverbs are "don't buy anyone else's problems" and don't ever buy a used sports car").

The only two brand new cars I ever had were bought for me by my parents, a 1979 light blue metallic Camaro, which I did at least get a voice in, and my current car, a black 1991 Olds Cutlass. With a four cylinder engine. Which was my first mental problem with it. The second (other than the fact that I had no say in it) was it was not a sports car, it was a mid-size almost family-type car. It's main redeeming graces were it was a 2 door and it was black. It had a "Quad 442" fuel-injected engine, which is a bit peppier and has more torque than most four cylinders, but unfortunately it was also a huge lemon. I began having engine problems when it was about 6 months old and they just continued non-stop, along with transmission problems and assorted other things you wouldn't expect from a brand new car.

We have spent enough to buy at least one more new car (or several nice used cars) in repairs over the last 13 years. It's been towed more than all the other cars I've owned combined, and I've owned a lot of old sports cars, dating back to a 1973 Corvette. The ironic thing is my parents bought it for me because they were worried about the reliability of the car I had. I honestly don't know how it has survived as long as it has except perhaps for the fact it's still under 100k. I used to drive downtown every day, but we rarely took driving trips (and I'm "the driver"), but in the last few years I've been working from home so it's been spared too much abuse.

But it hasn't been to the mechanic in probably 6-8 months, which is a long time for it, and the "to do" list has been mounting. Oil change, new tires, alignment, replace brake pads, replace windshield wipers, tune up, coolant system checkup, intermittantly working brake lights... and the final straw was - the AC & defroster stopped working. So Sparky's been having to drive lately. He hates to drive and I don't like to drive his big lumbering full-size car. But you can't drive in Houston in the summer with no AC, even at night. When I was young and foolish I went a year without working AC or heat in Austin and almost died, actually the cold got me even worse than the heat but both were unbearable. Plus the plates on my car expire at the end of the month just to add to the expense list.

So when he saw the list his brain just clicked a switch and said "no more". So he said "We need to get you another car. Not a new car, but something newer that works". See, Sparky doesn't believe in new cars, and my parents don't believe in used cars. My dad always changed my mom's car out when it would get more than about 4 or 5 years old or showed any signs of major problems. He's big on the reliability thing, bless his heart. It's funny, too, because she would maybe put a few thousand miles tops on any car she's had, even when she had to drive us kids around.

So we've spent the week going back and forth bartering on car prices while I've researched. He originally thought we could get a nice used car for around $10 or $11,000, but all I kept finding were $18 and $19,000 ones, so then he went up a bit to $15k, and now I think he's just tired of it, trusts my judgment a bit more and feels sorry for me and is telling me to just pick one out and he'll buy it. So we're probably going to end up in the price range I originally started in. I think as long as I keep it under $20 grand I'll be all right.

About a year ago, I was going nuts and did a lot of semi-serious research on cars and I'm very glad I did because it gave me a huge jumpstart this time. A car is a big thing for me, it's always been much too large a part of my personality and self-esteem and I really do love to drive. I've only had two four cylinder engines out of all the cars I've owned, the other was a Mustang, which I had to trade for and ended up being probably the second worst car I ever owned. The rest were hge V-8's, 2 Camaros, a Firebird, a Corvette, the 280Z (hmmm.. not sure what that engine was really), and I even owned a motorcycle. My ex-husband had the cheapest of taste in cars, and I remember just being moritified to have to drive some of his vehicles, I wanted to wear a mask I was so embarrassed. I mean, I used to go to Houston Speed & Sport and buy chrome air cleaner covers for my Camaro, I dueled out the exhaust, put bigger Radial TA tires on it... Sparky doesn't care about any of that, he's not even picky about color (though his favorite is red which I do NOT want), he just wants the AC to work, be roomy enough for comfort and for it to get him around on his little daily errands.

Me? The first thing I look at is performance and handling, then a stylish design, then if I could reach the pedals without having the dash & windshield right in my face (I'm short), then the color (black - grey preferred, though some of the dark blues & greens are very pretty, no beige or white please), then the interior amenities... When I started this quest my main requirements were power windows and locks, at least a V6 engine, automatic transmission, and a rear defroster. Now that I've been looking around, though, the power seats have moved up in importance, and the leather interiors aren't too bad either. Hate the sunroofs and the airbags, didn't want the anti-lock brakes, didn't like the 4 door sedans, wanted a 2 door coupe.

But now I'm reconsidering the 4 door thing, I don't have kids but I do occasionally have to haul more than one person around, and I'm not sure I want to continue torturing my friends and family by stuffing them into the back sead of a coupe. My current car has a decent back seat, but I've noticed the new coupes are really tight, even on the mid-size cars. And I'm a bit worried about visibility in the 2 doors since I'm so damned short.

My original pick was a 2002-2003 Toyota 2 door Solara, then I leaned toward a 2 door 2002 Honda Accord, now I'm debating a 4 door Accord. I was a pretty die-hard GM person till this last experience, but now I'm going for reliable. After reading tons of car reviews, and test driving two of the Accord coupes, I think the next step is to test drive a 4 door. And the good thing is they are a tiny bit cheaper, more plentiful (especially with the V6) so I have a better chance of getting the color I want. The new cars are so light, the modern four cylinders really aren't that bad, but I test drove one of each and the V6 won hands down. I really wanted to open it up, but I was afraid the salesman would have a coronary ;-)

So I've been scouring the internet and the newspaper trying to find, to quote Joh Kerry, real deals. If it's too good to be true forget it. And after spending an afternoon with a wishy-washy car salesman out in the blaring sun I'm more determined than ever to pick something and not window shop. And Sparky refuses to come with me until I actually pick something for certain (he hates shopping for anything but DVDs). Hopefully Monday I can go look at a four door I've singled out (it's WAY across town). I've looked at and printed out so many listings I can barely keep them straight in my head... And being obsessive compulsive I feel like I have to look at and read everything out there to educate myself. And I know whatever I pick will probably be in my garage for the next ten years minimum, so it's a big decision.

OK, the swelling in my hands has gone down some to the point where typing is less painful, and I had to mention this weird story I saw on the the evening news tonight. I have actually changed my opinion on the story since I originally saw it after doing a bit of research on it...

In Fort Worth Texas, there is a large water park area where portions of the 70's sci-fi film Logan's Run were filmed when it was new and shiny and ultra modern. I live in Texas, but we rarely went to the DFW area when I was a kid and I've never seen this place in person. Being fans of the movie, though, both my hubby and I recognized it right away. When I saw Dan Rather discussing the story today, the first thing I though was "who the hell would let little children near such a dangerous place?". The story is the kids went there to play because the pool at their motel was closed. But this isn't a wading fountain, this is a huge series of cascading water falls made of concrete and stone. There also appear to be several calmer, shallower pools that seem a little safer for 8 year old children. But I don't care how hot it is, I'm not jumping into a public fountain, yuck...

Then I Google around for info on the Forth Worth Water Gardens, and they have photos of families walking around on the edge of the damn thing! This is obviously a dangerous, slippery, slimy area that may be pretty to look at, but no way would I get down to the edge of the drop off to the lower fountain, which is churning away like an angry river. Apparently one little girl "fell in" (wearing a swimsuit), and then three other people who were trying to save her (and each other) ended up being sucked underneath by the fountain's water pumps.

I can't imagine the city not having some sort of railing at least around the thing. Or maybe a ladder or steps to help someone climb back out. There are no swimming signs posted, but gee... But apparently this is the first incident they've ever had at the park, and on the news they were already talking lawsuit and have drained the pools. I'm amazed nothing has happened before, but I'm very wary of things like fast moving water...

I've been having that nagging shopping "urge" lately, glad I don't have any credit cards left. I have bought some useful things, though, yet more clothes, two "real" leather belts, two new pairs of house shoes (all they had were pastels, aagghh!), some shorter socks for summer, and a bottle of my Clarins lotion. Everything was on sale, though, except for the lotion, which cost almost as much as the others combined.

I got my Chi straightening iron in the mail today and played with it. It really did do a nice job, much better than my Conair, and it heated up superfast like it claimed. I wasn't very happy with how the girl shipped it, though, she just threw it in a Tyvek Priority envelope and sent it out at the two pound rate (and charge me about 3 times that much). I knew I was being overcharge for postage but a little bubble wrap would have been nice, I thought it would at least be in a box with some newspaper at the least. People on eBay really like to charge out the ass for any electronics, I've been charged $7 to ship a camera memory stick the size of a piece of gum. I guess they figure since everyone else is doing it it must be OK (sigh). The scariest one I got was a phone that the guy just slapped address labels & postage right on the manufacturer's box and threw it in the mail, didn't even bother to tape up the edges of the box.

I went through and purged some of my old worn out clothes the other night, and rearranged my closet. I still have two bags in my trunk from the last clothing purge, all of our clothing donation boxes have vanished recently, I don't know what to do with them... I feel like I need to get rid of (i.e. sell) some more of my dressy & work clothes since I never wear them any more, but I'm down to that point where I've gotten rid of most of the extras and just have things I like (and hope to fit into again) left. But we never go out anywhere, I never wear my rayon and silk stuff, Houston is a very casual (and very hot & humid) city. I'd actually like to buy more really nice quality casual stuff, but I can't justify it until I lose some more weight (which is a good way to save money, I guess ;-)

I think I'm going to go look at my memes and see if there's anything my poor tired brain can handle... I've been doing way too much eBay lately, I'm trying to take a short break from selling, but now I've started looking at things to buy. I have to keep reminding myself "where are you going to put it?". All of the shelves in the house are full (and must be dusted, dammit), but I'm still lacking some wall decorations in the bedroom (where no movie posters are allowed), so maybe I can find something suitably kitschy to fill in the blanks, it's the only room in the house with any wall space left...

It's so nice and quiet, and it's a Friday night so there's nothing urgent I actually have to do :-) THe rain seems to have moved on (though I like listening to the rain), Sparky's quietly (for him) snoring away in the next room, and I'm getting little "to do" things done. Finishing up my last load of laundry, this is the time-consuming one where I have to air dry everything and then hang them up in the bathroom. I accidentally dried one of my new pairs of pants in the last load, I'm sure now they are really capris.

I have a couple of really old brown glass mist bottles from back when I used Beconase nasal spray (from what I remember, it smelled like roses), and I fished them out and cleaned them up tonight so I can reload one with saline and the other with part saline, part Afrin. I've had a lot of other nasal spray bottles since I got these but they've all been plastic and for some reason they just don't work as well. I stupidly used the one with Afrin last night when I was having my sinus attack, and after I opened them up and looked at them today, I'm surprised it didn't make it worse (yuck, in other words).

My hair salon finally wrote back to tell me what kind of straightening iron they had used on my hair last week, they said it was HairArt, not Chi, but the stylist mentioned Chi at least three times to me. They look to be comparable in quality and price, I hope mine arrives tomorrow, I can't wait to play with it.

I just ate my 4 am chicken salad sandwich, the kitty helps me with the crust. She's an odd cat, she pulls my salad leaves out of the bowl, devours bread, and loves yoghurt and my Atkins shakes. When I had dogs I was used to having at least one head in my lap looking sadly up at me, but a cat? She doesn't lower herself to beg, though, she just grabs what she wants. She is a princess, after all.

Maybe when the laundry finishes up I can beat Sparky to the bedroom (he likes his La-Z-Boy) and read a bit. I'm actually sort of sleepy already, which is unusual for me. I think I'm going to go back to Old Navy tomorrow and get a couple more of their tees, the heathered ones are unbelievably soft, still afraid to put them in the dryer, though... I desperately need new Dearfoams too, Foley's is having coupon days, I wonder if I can find any with backs in June. I have flat feet and can't wear the backless ones, but have to wear something with these wood floors or end up with tendonitis in my heels. Ramble, ramble... Gonna go respond to comments now :-)

Can't go to sleep tonight without mentioning the passing of an icon of my generation and all around good guy, Tony Randall died Monday May 17th at age 84. We watched the Larry King tribute tonight and then David Letterman